ITS MINE!

Dawn came into work tonight to get milk, and i got to talk to her for a minute..

Patrick is looking at getting a new car, and was talking to dad about it, and it sounded as though patrick wanted to sell the time chevy. well, dad was telling dawn that patrick could not sell it, and it was just too bad. then dawn mentioned how i wanted the truck, and he said
"She can have it"

YES! The great truck, will be MINE! for once, i was really hyper about something other than the big bash. now i WANT to get my license, so i can drive the thing!
yesssss

So, whats cool:
Adrein Stephens will be working at the pro in a few weeks....hehehe, i get to train her a bit awesome!...

i spent the last two nights hanging out with Jen, Calista, and Scott, sleeping over at Calista's last night, just enjoying the freedom. i love it.
i needed it last night too. Gord was getting on me about driving and made me drive around before going to Calistas.
ok, before the whole truck thing, i didn't feel any strength or anything to drive. i can't explain it, it's like giving a reason for being depressed. It could be true, but it really isn't. you just are.
anyway, i really enjoyed it. we walked along her road in the middle of the night, and the stars were go bright, so many of them... i love that stuff. im a sucker, i really am.

The big Bash is coming up! This friday, Calista and Jen are having a thing at Angus's for Cals B-day and Jens farewell thing. sigh. ill miss them. then saturday is the big night! WOOT.

Whats not cool:

Still feel like shit and always end up having a headache everyday.

got disturbed reading up on anorexia and bolemia in the paper. yuk. my mom was bolemic, but i dont see why.... shes a liar. lol. well, really, she is. She said in highschool she was my size...
BULL!
I saw pictures of her, she was the same size she is now.
anyway, the article was really disturbing and sad. i cant believe its popular like that, like an effing trend!

Unexplainable Stress is starting to get to me more and more. I'm starting to get angry with my mom now. I tried to explain to her sunday at dinner why i didn't want to drive.... ok, thats a lie. I just tried to CONVINCE her that I really couldn't drive without saying anything...
"I'm not paying 700 some dollars for you to Not drive, emily!"
thanks.
i dont know. that bugged me...

i would tell her, but what the hell would I say?

"Mom, I've lost a few too many screws and i need drugs"
"Mom, I have problems you dont understand so leave me alone or give me pills"
"Mom, take me to the doctor, I'm MESSED up"

sorry, thats all sarcasm.
then, when i really try to figure out what to say, i hear that little voice in the back of my head...
"Explain it, emily, I don't understand. WHAT is giving you problems? How can you have problems like that over nothing, when nothing is going on? How, You never leave the house? You're just like patrick..."

well, how can i explain it?

hmm, this changed over.

back to whats cool:
Parties! Yay Bonarlaw Bash! Yay! Woot! funfun

OH MAN! I finally got an idea for resurrecting the old Delusions story, only I'm going to change it around a bunch and what not, all because of a dream.....
it starts with an assasination... hehehe, man, i'm actually EXCITED about a story for the first in a really long time... hey, look, I'm not dead yet!

Mood: Slightly more alive and giddy.

Huzzah!