Fire in the Hole!
thats life my friend, that is life.
i sent an email a while back to someone, and i'm beginning to think it was a mistake. I just have this terrible feeling that I've done it again, that i've screwed myself over again...
that looks simple, but it's not simple in the least bit. it doesn't feel simple, at least, but what really does feel simple when it comes to this stuff, right?
Come on, I've been in love with this one person ever since I started highschool, and I really was convinced that I was falling for this other person. But every time I see him, I can't help but fall back into that feeling of... well, what is it? amazement? no, it's close to that though. i can't help but feel IT again, it never goes away...
so, did I make a mistake?
I think that, but then I have to tell myself that it's more than likely I'm always going to be like this. I'm always going to love him. So, it's either move on at some point or dwell until I'm old and alone and without family and friends...
sometimes that last one looks more appealing than the first one.
I guess I'm not ready to move on yet if I'm like this....or something. I thought I was ready, but Not anymore
well, theres that in my life, then there's this depression thing.
Today, I think, today I will tell my mom I should see a doctor....
everyday I think that
and it never happens.
How do you say that, anyway? I would tell my dad, but I never see him enough. the last thing I want to do is ruin a visit out there by saying I'm severely depressed. thats not something that would brighten my life after a long day of work.
so, how do you say that?
theres that in my life too.
and now i'm thinking about my future more and more. I don't have a good chance to get into school or music at all. thats going to be something I do on my own, sadly...well, maybe not sadly. maybe thats a good thing. I suppose the only way I'll get into school would be for art, but sometimes I can't help but think that won't happen either. What are the chances, once again?
I don't want to go sometimes. I just want to stick with my first plan, move to some bigger city, maybe Ottawa or Toronto, with a few people, and just work and do what I do best, on my own, freelance!
So much easier said than done.
Theres no place in the world for the freelance artist. I don't want to do commercial shit like that, I want to PAINT. I want to see what I can, remember it, paint it, transform it into some universal form, and I don't care if I make money off of it. I just want to do it. Photography, paint, draw, compose, everything.... But i wouldn't survive.
well, who cares? At least I lived, right?'
of course, I'd like to see my later years, but if I don't I think I'll be content. I'm content right now If I were to die of some unknown form, simple because of the people I've met, things I've felt... theres more, i know, but If I did die and somehow knew afterwards, I wouldn't feel regret.
I would just miss the people I met.
that felt good. anyway, time for a movie!
i sent an email a while back to someone, and i'm beginning to think it was a mistake. I just have this terrible feeling that I've done it again, that i've screwed myself over again...
that looks simple, but it's not simple in the least bit. it doesn't feel simple, at least, but what really does feel simple when it comes to this stuff, right?
Come on, I've been in love with this one person ever since I started highschool, and I really was convinced that I was falling for this other person. But every time I see him, I can't help but fall back into that feeling of... well, what is it? amazement? no, it's close to that though. i can't help but feel IT again, it never goes away...
so, did I make a mistake?
I think that, but then I have to tell myself that it's more than likely I'm always going to be like this. I'm always going to love him. So, it's either move on at some point or dwell until I'm old and alone and without family and friends...
sometimes that last one looks more appealing than the first one.
I guess I'm not ready to move on yet if I'm like this....or something. I thought I was ready, but Not anymore
well, theres that in my life, then there's this depression thing.
Today, I think, today I will tell my mom I should see a doctor....
everyday I think that
and it never happens.
How do you say that, anyway? I would tell my dad, but I never see him enough. the last thing I want to do is ruin a visit out there by saying I'm severely depressed. thats not something that would brighten my life after a long day of work.
so, how do you say that?
theres that in my life too.
and now i'm thinking about my future more and more. I don't have a good chance to get into school or music at all. thats going to be something I do on my own, sadly...well, maybe not sadly. maybe thats a good thing. I suppose the only way I'll get into school would be for art, but sometimes I can't help but think that won't happen either. What are the chances, once again?
I don't want to go sometimes. I just want to stick with my first plan, move to some bigger city, maybe Ottawa or Toronto, with a few people, and just work and do what I do best, on my own, freelance!
So much easier said than done.
Theres no place in the world for the freelance artist. I don't want to do commercial shit like that, I want to PAINT. I want to see what I can, remember it, paint it, transform it into some universal form, and I don't care if I make money off of it. I just want to do it. Photography, paint, draw, compose, everything.... But i wouldn't survive.
well, who cares? At least I lived, right?'
of course, I'd like to see my later years, but if I don't I think I'll be content. I'm content right now If I were to die of some unknown form, simple because of the people I've met, things I've felt... theres more, i know, but If I did die and somehow knew afterwards, I wouldn't feel regret.
I would just miss the people I met.
that felt good. anyway, time for a movie!
prematurely released by Norah at 1:58 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home