Left-overs from tomorrow

I'm supposed to be doing an essay...
but i have the suspicion it won't happen.
A) I don't believe in homework
B) i'm not wasting time on something as stupid as this subject. sorry. i would rather you give me something I can put my fucking opinion into.
C) I am far too distracted with life.

this semester... fuck. English does not fit in. but i'll have to weather it through while i read this book called Portrait of the Artist. remember that, anyone? I'm looking forward to it. I'll take the whole English class thing as an opportunity to get back into reading and taking stuff IN again...
while i wreck myself trying to turn OUT stuff.
Photography will get me. Drama will kill me. Band will haunt me. and my Other band (which has been renamed about five times and right NOW is called the Subtle Guppies) will exhaust me all over again.
and...
I am in a relationship.
so,
as you can see,
i'm a bit distracted by this, and family, and work... i must learn to juggle this better, but i don't want to. i want to enjoy the current moment, and not stress about ones to come. it's not fair.

sigh

well
this year was a first for me. the first time I was seeing someone in time for Valentines day. The first time someone gave me roses, chocolate, AND a candle, and then took me out of the house for the night. the first time I got to be romantic with someone...
ever.
I was never romantic with someone. i was always too awkward, too much of an amateur, too scared to do anything. but monday night, i was not. I spent monday night as myself, being myself, just, being, with him. and it felt amazing. and i love it.
yes, a first for me, dear old emily.
isn't that cute? heh.

i used to hate v-day. still do, really, but what can I say? it felt good to be able to do that. i know it's not fair to singles, hello, i've been a single my entire dating life... not... that... i ever... had... a ....dating life.... you know?
you get it. I have been there folks, and i will be there again, too, i'm sure. but meanwhile, i'm going to enjoy this and savour the moment. i know better than not to.

how is it i manage to attract these strange little things? how do I manage to jump ten years (or should i say 12 years and ten months) ahead of myself into this emotional state too old for me? how do i manage to catch these little things, thinking they're tiny little details that will never show up years from now, and it turns out they're only the size of fucking africa...
get it?
i'm in a mess again. and i'm loving it this time.

look at me! I'm a fucking IDIOT! and I am very happy being the liar I am right now, no matter who I'm lying to. I'm enjoying it, and will think twice later...


I'M HORRIBLE! WOW!