I never knew her...

I never really knew her. I had hardly spoken to her, really, in the course of my life with Gord. yet, when we were taken down the isle and into the back room for the casket to be shut, i felt my eyes dampen. everyone around me, immediate family members, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters. crying. all of them. some were grandchildren, and they sobbed silently in the arms of others. even my step dad, who I deemed emotionless, cried at last. I had seen his lip quiver int he pews, but now tears flowed from him freely.
and i had a tear for myself.

to be in a room full of emotion. how can you not breathe some of it in? you can't be in a room with ten people, all crying, without crying yourself, even if there's no similar emotion behind it. it's like cutting an onion. it's almost completely unavoidable. it stings your eyes.

I didn't know her life. But I Understand her life's loss.




I never want a funeral. not in a church like that. when I'm dead, I'm dead. I'm not going underground. I'm being Cremated. No wake, either.
If i have a funeral, it will be a Buddhist funeral. a happy funeral. I don't want people to see my body, dead and without my soul. I don't want people to see this useless shell uninhabitted. i want to be cremated, and my funeral to be a buddhist one.

and after i'm cremated,
I want to be made into a Cubic Zirconia