FLASH
And i'm back in time
about two years ago, i was begging my mom to get me into speach therapy to get rid of my lisp, but that didn't work. so i forgot about my lisp.
it's never actually been on my mind. every so often, i would hear it, but as soon as i acknowledged it, i forgot again.
but one day this past week, i was reminded again as to why i so desperately wanted to get rid of it.
i was told by Sherry berret (sp?) that when i was singing dust in the wind at bravo bayside, she had heard it breifly (at this point, she immitated me) and giggled at it with her boyfriend. well, she put it a little more nicely than "giggled at"... butstill
that day I had woken up with that evil thing, so my mood was already low. and most of the time, when people point it out to me, it doesn't bother me... until it's while i'm singing.
i wanted to get rid of my lisp because of that. people would hear it while i was singing. and i dont want people to remember my singing for the lisp in it. thats not what music is about, so why would i want that attention? why the fuck would i want a lisp?
"its cute!"
oh bullshit. have you had one? i used to be teased all the time as a child about it. all the time. it was that and my weight.
so to be but back into that state again about something as sensitive as singing in front of a bunch of stranger.... it's not pleasurable.
makes me afraid to sing again. i know i shouldn't be, but thats what i'm afraid of. people hearing it, and laughing at it, and forgetting that i'm fucking singing.
that ruined my week.
like i said, the rest of the time i don't give much of a shit about my lisp and people pointing it out. but thats when i'm talking, not SINGING.
singing is dear to me. if i lost my voice, i would kill myself (just like if i lost my sight or my ability to hear, i would kill myself). having a lisp and peopling pointing it out like that makes me feel threatened.
i don't like it.
not a good week
about two years ago, i was begging my mom to get me into speach therapy to get rid of my lisp, but that didn't work. so i forgot about my lisp.
it's never actually been on my mind. every so often, i would hear it, but as soon as i acknowledged it, i forgot again.
but one day this past week, i was reminded again as to why i so desperately wanted to get rid of it.
i was told by Sherry berret (sp?) that when i was singing dust in the wind at bravo bayside, she had heard it breifly (at this point, she immitated me) and giggled at it with her boyfriend. well, she put it a little more nicely than "giggled at"... butstill
that day I had woken up with that evil thing, so my mood was already low. and most of the time, when people point it out to me, it doesn't bother me... until it's while i'm singing.
i wanted to get rid of my lisp because of that. people would hear it while i was singing. and i dont want people to remember my singing for the lisp in it. thats not what music is about, so why would i want that attention? why the fuck would i want a lisp?
"its cute!"
oh bullshit. have you had one? i used to be teased all the time as a child about it. all the time. it was that and my weight.
so to be but back into that state again about something as sensitive as singing in front of a bunch of stranger.... it's not pleasurable.
makes me afraid to sing again. i know i shouldn't be, but thats what i'm afraid of. people hearing it, and laughing at it, and forgetting that i'm fucking singing.
that ruined my week.
like i said, the rest of the time i don't give much of a shit about my lisp and people pointing it out. but thats when i'm talking, not SINGING.
singing is dear to me. if i lost my voice, i would kill myself (just like if i lost my sight or my ability to hear, i would kill myself). having a lisp and peopling pointing it out like that makes me feel threatened.
i don't like it.
not a good week
prematurely released by Norah at 11:16 PM
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