If you hold things in long enough, what happens?
You bust, right?
what if you don't really bust. what if you work up to one bang, but not a really big one?

I have a problem right now.
I've noticed a horrible trend coming out in my actions and words. I've noticed a lot of new emotions I'm feeling, concerning everyone around me. friends, family, everyone. I'm suddenly very bitter about everything. I'm pissed off at everyone for some reason. I'm bitter about things. I'm jealous over things. I'm pissed off at the world tonight. I'm frustrated with my "Close" friends, because.. I honestly, cannot, understand... a thing they do anymore. Nothing they do make sense to me. they seem so stupid to me! what is this?
what the fuck is happening to me? I'm bitter about my best friends, and now I feel alienated from them completely. I feel like I'm cut from them. sometimes I like it, too. thats the horrible part. and yet, when they do something on a night I work, I'm jealous and angry about it.

some part of me says it's from holding everything else inside for so long. some other part of me says its my genes catching up with me finally. another part? stress, i guess, over personal things, maybe school.
i'm angry at myself and everyone around me. who am i NOT angry about?...
Joel.... because he's in Ottawa. my dad... family in missisauga...
Angus.
Calista.
Scott G and M...

thats leaves a lot of people, guys. a lot of people i'm bitter about, even thought I dont want to be. everytime a horrible thought comes to mind, where i'm fantasizing about cursing or something, I curse at myself for thinking such a thing.
I'm swearing a lot more.

I'm being tempted by the dark side.

I hate my life right now. all over again. I absolutely hate it.
I wish I wasn't here