Everyday's are slipping away into Sleep time and Work time and In between time. I do three things: Sleep, Work, and Sit on the couch/in front of the computer.

This is was school fixed. I could be doing things right now... but I'm not.

I'm not an artist anymore. I dont Want to paint anymore.
I'm not a musician. I dont want to touch my instrument. any of them.
I'm nothing. I am what I despise. nothing and no one.

it SUCKS

I'm procrastinating my own life! I'll say "When I move to toronto, I'll be fit, because I'll have to walk everywhere!" and "When I move to toronto, I won't be alone, and I won't have a lot of what I have now!"
I leave it all to Toronto. Toronto to inspire me. Toronto to tease me.

but for now.... life blows. a lot is just slipping out of my life. I dont like sleeping in, but I can't go to bed any earlier than midnight. I'm too used to it now. and i can't change that habit, because I work late. I'm getting into habits I don't WANT to be in... But I'm in them. because I can afford it, right now.

I'm at a low, I really am. well, tonight I am.
Weird how that works. one day, I'm pretty happy with things. the next, everything is horrible and wrong, and i'm a fat cow, blablabla. shit. Lots of shit right now.

But there's no where to go to feel good. There's nowhere and nothing. excuse?
I'm not going to a gym. reason: I'm petrified of people seeing me in a gym in stirling. it's not a pride thing, it's part of that Anti-social PROBLEM/Disorder/thing. I literally Can't be like that in public. I can barely get through a day of shopping for clothes... you think I can survive in a gym? nooo. because, people who come into the store will all say "I saw you in the gym. Lookin' good!"
FUCK YOU.

but I can't swear at people in the store unless they swear at me. I should just wear a shirt that says "Mentally Unstable: Do not communicate" or something like that. maybe a giant "Don't ask, or die" or something....

ack. life SUCKS and I'm too stupid to do anything about it. but when it snows, I'll shovel... and that burns calories... and stuff.....

i hate myself.

dont start.