Here and then, There and now

We all know the story about the person who goes to Post-Secondary school... and half way through realizes it was a mistake, or just plain hates it, and drops out.
We all know the story about the person who realizes, after finishing a degree in something, or building a career, or even earlier, that they should have studied something else, or just done something else with their life...

I don't want to be either of these people. I like to think that waiting for a couple years before going to school gave me this magical gift of time to brood over things. I like to think that time gave me enough time to make the right decision.

The last while... I've lost that faith.
I've bailed on a lot of things in my life. I've run away from the scary parts of it. And I don't want to run anymore, I want to stand up and deal with it the tough way.
But which is the way to run or stand? Do I run away from school, and stand against the pressure of my parents wish to have at least ONE kid that isn't a fuck up? Or do I run away from what I want to do most, and put up the stand through to the end of school? Which is stronger? In which of these am I a coward?

Would it matter if I could answer that?

The last couple months, I've felt like a fish on a hook; being dragged through the water, knowing that at some point I'm about to be ripped out of the place I've lived in for so long... and yet it never happens.

I enjoy school... but I don't think I'm right for it sometimes.

But whenever I think of talking to my mom or dad about it, I hear a sigh of disappointment from them, and Gord laughing at my changing my feeble mind yet again...

I hate pride, and the need for it.