sometimes people just need to talk to get things our of their system. why does there have to be a point to a conversation? why can't things just fly along without a purpose? or does everything have to have a purpose, or else be thrown away. if it can't be of any use, dump it, is that it?
back onto a religious topic...
I FEEL LIKE CRAP TODAY. It keeps occurring to me that despite emmas willingness to talk about religion (And I love to talk to her about it) I need that sort of thing elsewhere, such as at home. in other words, i need my mom to support me instead of ignore me whenever i try to talk about it(It being my buddhism).
I tried very recently and said something. she ignored me. didn't even look up at me. do you know how that feels? likely. everyone has felt that before, I'm sure. its just that this is a fairly big chunk of stuff to deal with, and I would appreciate my mother supporting me a little bit, or at least be honest with me instead of ignoring it.
it sort of sucks that when you're at school, the two people you hang out with at lunch disappear the second half of the period on mondays to go to a christian group thingy, and You are left out. You could go, sure, but you wouldn't be able to share a whole lot other than past experience. present tense, you couldn't contribute much, could you?
it bugs me. I don't have a grudge against anything, or anyone, I just feel sort of bla when it happens. its something I'll get used to, yeah, but still... i wish i had that. I dont have a group or anything...
have I gone through this before? sorry. I am repetative, but i just type what I'm thinking at the moment. thats how I am and how I treat this thing.
i suddenly got the craving for peppers on something.
yeah, long day. Mambo for WSS is done now, all put together and everything. it looks good too. Sari came into the Pro tonight, she said it was looking great. hurrah.
Also saw someone tonight, who shall not be named. Made me wonder about my current heart status. unfortunatly, it left me more in the dark than ever. before I saw him, I felt numb, which was comfortable. but there was something different in him tonight, and it didn't look too nice, either. His eyes scared me, really caught me offguard, and I'm a little worried about him.
Normally, after running into this person, I have a stomach doing flips and a heart racing at about a million miles and hour. but tonight, the most I got was a cheerful attitude (Until the eyes got to me and I didn't really get a chance to 'catch up'), and that was it, and I didn't even get the chance to really check myself, see what was going on up there and inside. it left me in the dark so much, I don't even know about him. and that leaves me more in the dark with other matters, such as the attempt to forget about him... its very frustrating. I want to know what the HELL is going on with me, and I have no clue. I'm going back and forth between people, and I can't seem to figure out anything. I'm so thrown off by the situation.
to add to that is the religion home thing and another situation with someone else, hmm. horrible horrible. I'm honestly caught up in so many things, I cna't focus. I shouldn't be working or anything, I'm a health risk!
tiring day, early morning, projects coming up, work being pushed to the last second... tomorrow's jazz band will be hell. I haven't practiced or even LOOKED at my music since last week.
Im now working friday, 5-9, and saturday 5-11 (full shift) which will be neat. I wonder how long my legs will last.
god.. i hate running into people I know sometimes. Ben was in the store, and no hello. Ben, for those who don't know (which I can imagine is all) is a very old friend of mine who moved away in grade 7. before that, we were neighbours, best buds who hung out and fished together, etc etc, and he moved. haven't spoken much since. never called, only talked when we LITERALLY ran into eachother. very depressing thing. we used ot be friends, and now he ignores me. its amazing how people change like that, treat you well one day, and another day (LONG later, mind you) treat you like shit. his mother was in not long before, in and out in a flash. I couldn't believe it, how people just blow you off despite having known you for so long before. Its amazing. I don't remember doing anything wrong, so....
What did I do?
back onto a religious topic...
I FEEL LIKE CRAP TODAY. It keeps occurring to me that despite emmas willingness to talk about religion (And I love to talk to her about it) I need that sort of thing elsewhere, such as at home. in other words, i need my mom to support me instead of ignore me whenever i try to talk about it(It being my buddhism).
I tried very recently and said something. she ignored me. didn't even look up at me. do you know how that feels? likely. everyone has felt that before, I'm sure. its just that this is a fairly big chunk of stuff to deal with, and I would appreciate my mother supporting me a little bit, or at least be honest with me instead of ignoring it.
it sort of sucks that when you're at school, the two people you hang out with at lunch disappear the second half of the period on mondays to go to a christian group thingy, and You are left out. You could go, sure, but you wouldn't be able to share a whole lot other than past experience. present tense, you couldn't contribute much, could you?
it bugs me. I don't have a grudge against anything, or anyone, I just feel sort of bla when it happens. its something I'll get used to, yeah, but still... i wish i had that. I dont have a group or anything...
have I gone through this before? sorry. I am repetative, but i just type what I'm thinking at the moment. thats how I am and how I treat this thing.
i suddenly got the craving for peppers on something.
yeah, long day. Mambo for WSS is done now, all put together and everything. it looks good too. Sari came into the Pro tonight, she said it was looking great. hurrah.
Also saw someone tonight, who shall not be named. Made me wonder about my current heart status. unfortunatly, it left me more in the dark than ever. before I saw him, I felt numb, which was comfortable. but there was something different in him tonight, and it didn't look too nice, either. His eyes scared me, really caught me offguard, and I'm a little worried about him.
Normally, after running into this person, I have a stomach doing flips and a heart racing at about a million miles and hour. but tonight, the most I got was a cheerful attitude (Until the eyes got to me and I didn't really get a chance to 'catch up'), and that was it, and I didn't even get the chance to really check myself, see what was going on up there and inside. it left me in the dark so much, I don't even know about him. and that leaves me more in the dark with other matters, such as the attempt to forget about him... its very frustrating. I want to know what the HELL is going on with me, and I have no clue. I'm going back and forth between people, and I can't seem to figure out anything. I'm so thrown off by the situation.
to add to that is the religion home thing and another situation with someone else, hmm. horrible horrible. I'm honestly caught up in so many things, I cna't focus. I shouldn't be working or anything, I'm a health risk!
tiring day, early morning, projects coming up, work being pushed to the last second... tomorrow's jazz band will be hell. I haven't practiced or even LOOKED at my music since last week.
Im now working friday, 5-9, and saturday 5-11 (full shift) which will be neat. I wonder how long my legs will last.
god.. i hate running into people I know sometimes. Ben was in the store, and no hello. Ben, for those who don't know (which I can imagine is all) is a very old friend of mine who moved away in grade 7. before that, we were neighbours, best buds who hung out and fished together, etc etc, and he moved. haven't spoken much since. never called, only talked when we LITERALLY ran into eachother. very depressing thing. we used ot be friends, and now he ignores me. its amazing how people change like that, treat you well one day, and another day (LONG later, mind you) treat you like shit. his mother was in not long before, in and out in a flash. I couldn't believe it, how people just blow you off despite having known you for so long before. Its amazing. I don't remember doing anything wrong, so....
What did I do?
prematurely released by Norah at 8:32 PM
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