An english assignment....

What is the canadian dream?
The Canadian Dream is to live a free life and to have an adventure, to be able to roam and travel freely to see everything that can be seen, and to have fun. To live everyday as it comes, and to meet new obstacles and overcome them.
The Canadian Dream is to live an exciting life, to make friends on the road and at home and work. To make a story all our own, different from all the others.
The Canadian Dream is to have peace and quiet, to enjoy the little things and question the bigs ones. We want to live our own seperate lives, for the good of our own hearts and souls, and love the hearts and souls we meet while alive. We want to be different from friend and foe, and to love the differences between us.
The Canadian Dream is to treasure the old and welcome the new, to love every essence, Organic and Mechanic, to be unafraid of change but able to control it.
The Canadian Dream is to dream

Can you tell I'm an artist?

Also found this, a Palm Pilot...gotta love it!


Its amazing how quickly I can change my mood. few minutes ago, when I put the stuff above in, i was happy! and now I'm down again, shitty shitty, dreading the work shift tomorrow, debate, Jazz band, etc.... I can't seem to find anything to look forward to anymore during the day. lets see, what am I looking forward to?.....
lunch.
not even that!
I have nothing to look forward to other than the next time I can sleep in, being the weekend obviously. I makes my week pointless and long. I look forward to sleep.
is that not sad in any way to you?
I want to write, i have all these ideas, but I can't get it going anywhere, its just so fucking hard sometimes. Man, a persons first thought when they think of being an artist of any sort is "Thats brainless. what thinking can you possibly do?"
Well, I'll give you the scoop on the life of an artist/musician/writer....
BRAINPOWER ALWAYS HELPS
inspiration is one thing, drive is another, and being able to have control over your interpretations of these little bits of 'inspiration' and 'creativity' is QUITE another. A writer needs to know what words to use, so that a sentence sounds right for the mood they're aiming for, and they have to think like a reader, not a writer. a painter? has to remember what they see, invision in their mind, and sometimes colours get a little mashed together. Music? sound is everything, and adding lyrics is a dangerous thing to do. the wrong lyrics can ruin a song forever, and the wrong chord structure can do even more damage.
Being an artist is not safe, especially money-wise, but Im not talking about that. Its hard, believe it or not, to get these things done or even going. my painting/portrait i started a few weeks ago? on hold, because I can't think of anything else for it, because I'm afraid of what it will turn into, and if it will turn out the way i want it to. this is where my problem lies: I can't control these things.

my point? i have no point. I'm alone, pretty much (I always feel alone, even when my parents are home), bored, sleepy, and afraid to go to bed. I'm afraid of waking up tomorrow for an early practice, afraid of the day slipping past me and into the long night of work, where I will glance at the clock every five minutes, thinking fiften minutes have passed.
What do I have to look forward to in the morning? getting home to my bed, where the world is far away and can't hurt me. where I can sleep and let my head dream all it wants, where i can wander wherever I please, without pain or emotion. where i can be dead.
if this was all my life was, I would kill myself.
I can't wait until i leave. then i'll be the one flying off into the world to make something of myself. live my life, do whatever, avoid getting too close.

emma gave a nice metaphor the other night. I'm playing a game of chess with life.
we were talking about who/what the pieces were.
well, let me expand on things...
certain people are pawns, and certain aspects of myself and surroundings are the other pieces. The queen is my head, making the bigger decisions, etc etc. the king is....well, either my heart or my soul. I'll make them both, since they're both very close to one anotehr. well, lets just say this.... My queen has gone retarded and my King is about to be in Check, unless I can figure out what the hell I'm doing and whether life is going to give me a break or kick my ass some more. I'm already missing some pieces here, man!

In other words....I'm a bi-polar going into a moment of depression because I'm a teenage girl who can't handle emotional shit at all and is incredibly stupid and niave.
kill me now, or in my sleep. that way I would die happy