Hues
And then, there are those beautiful times when all you really need is someone to be there. And sure, there's lots of people that could be there, but it's still not right, is it? Because it's not THAT person, it's not the one person who really would make it all better.
I love these nights, in a bitter way. The sun is just going down on the other side of the store, a sight I'm FAR too used to, but it's the colour it's giving off, this thick orange light, a filter. it's on everything. the grass is brown from it, the tree's leaves are turqoise, and the sky that you can see just through the branches is a peach colour. it's a really soft light, but at the same time it's very hard, warm and cold, dark... but obviously light, since it is light. sure every sunset gives off "pretty" colours, but it doens't always soak in like this, it doesn't always give off this hue, and saturate everything the way it is right now. it's not common. and thats why I love it, especially in the mood I'm in. I'm depressed, horribly horribly depressed, but for moments at a time i feel euphoric, because of this sight outside of my window. a sight that will only last another five or ten minutes, and then it's gone.
thats how my life is. I know when a moment is going to go away, I know it might be the last time in a while that I'm going to feel a certain way. so, while that could be depressing, its not. not THAT, at least. that makes me happy that I'm living it now. i'm depressed for what comes after, I suppose... but then again, that's almost a paradox, isn't it? so is my life, once again.
right now? I'm happy. I'm happy I get to see him again at school, I'm happy I'm out of the house (even though I complain about it, i really am happy I'm not here as often as I was), I'm happy to be there, in the place where my life took form. so why am I sad? because I'm happy. I'm sad because I'm happy, happy because I'm sad. It's a thing I can't describe.
I saw him today, we hung out today, like nothing had changed, and it felt good. and at the same time, i wondered if it would last, if something was going to change tomorrow, next week, if this was all that was left. but I was still happy to see him, to hear his voice and talk to him and be his friend.
i wonder if he read that email or not?
the colour is almost gone outside now. actually, it is gone, but the mood from it is going to last the night. is that a good thing?
Call it a hole, i call it a place to rest. it may not be healthy, but it's familiar, and right now, in the early days of a new bus ride with nearly 40 other people while so many of my friends are far away, familiarity is what I need most.
I love these nights, in a bitter way. The sun is just going down on the other side of the store, a sight I'm FAR too used to, but it's the colour it's giving off, this thick orange light, a filter. it's on everything. the grass is brown from it, the tree's leaves are turqoise, and the sky that you can see just through the branches is a peach colour. it's a really soft light, but at the same time it's very hard, warm and cold, dark... but obviously light, since it is light. sure every sunset gives off "pretty" colours, but it doens't always soak in like this, it doesn't always give off this hue, and saturate everything the way it is right now. it's not common. and thats why I love it, especially in the mood I'm in. I'm depressed, horribly horribly depressed, but for moments at a time i feel euphoric, because of this sight outside of my window. a sight that will only last another five or ten minutes, and then it's gone.
thats how my life is. I know when a moment is going to go away, I know it might be the last time in a while that I'm going to feel a certain way. so, while that could be depressing, its not. not THAT, at least. that makes me happy that I'm living it now. i'm depressed for what comes after, I suppose... but then again, that's almost a paradox, isn't it? so is my life, once again.
right now? I'm happy. I'm happy I get to see him again at school, I'm happy I'm out of the house (even though I complain about it, i really am happy I'm not here as often as I was), I'm happy to be there, in the place where my life took form. so why am I sad? because I'm happy. I'm sad because I'm happy, happy because I'm sad. It's a thing I can't describe.
I saw him today, we hung out today, like nothing had changed, and it felt good. and at the same time, i wondered if it would last, if something was going to change tomorrow, next week, if this was all that was left. but I was still happy to see him, to hear his voice and talk to him and be his friend.
i wonder if he read that email or not?
the colour is almost gone outside now. actually, it is gone, but the mood from it is going to last the night. is that a good thing?
Call it a hole, i call it a place to rest. it may not be healthy, but it's familiar, and right now, in the early days of a new bus ride with nearly 40 other people while so many of my friends are far away, familiarity is what I need most.
prematurely released by Norah at 7:42 PM
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