giar

am I just too self centred or something?
I've got something due tomorrow, but I haven't done it yet. not much time to, lots of stuff on the mind, other things to do. but tomorrow it HAS to be in, because Mrs.Davis is going away to Manitoba as soon as these presentations are done....

and wont be back before the exams. what the fuck. is that right to you? the teacher leaves us all behind? and me, when i kind of NEED the teacher around? what the fuck...

i dont know. school took its toll on me last week when I had a rather serious Panic Attack. I guess that was the clue to get working, but I didn't take it. instead I caught my breath, took a nap, and went to work that night.

I dont know. everything feels fucked up right now. everything imaginable feels aggravating. as usualy, i'm pissed at my parents. tonight they had yet another dinner out together. I haven't been "out" with my mother to "dinner" in ages. i need a dinner with my mom and brother some night. but I'll never get it.

I guess the right feeling is that feeling of being cast aside to make room for someone else. someone better. good thing I'm leaving in less than two months, hopefully. where I can be alone with just one person, and know they won't cast me aside without giving a shit.

everything here feels fake. like it's all a show that no one takes seriously and only watches because they know I'm watching it, and they find that funny. what the fuck?

i feel fucking gipped out of a life. i dont even know the right spelling to that word. fucking school. fucking home. fucking tara and her stealing money. fucking everything sucks sometimes.

i wish i could get over this right now. then maybe I could write this fucking essay and stop swearing so fucking much