perfection is eternal detail. peace is ignorance

There are people who believe that this life is nothing more than an illusion. other people think of it as a test for what comes Next.but for us, those who believe life begins, continues, ends, and begins again... our life is nothing more than hell. this life, and the next life, and the next life...pointless? perhaps. our only goal is enlightenment. some reach. others dont. they start over from scratch, everything in vain.I would much rather prefer a heaven to go to after this hell hole, but I know there isn't one.I would love to love who I am, and be a whole person... but do those people actually exist, without the aid of medication, in this modern, western world?
maybe I should go on medication... but would I even remember to take my pills? my memory never works like it used to, if it ever. it must, if I can remember a blood test from when I was two days old.
life. the ultimate test... for life. again. the feeling of being alive is rare. medication destroys it, but you think rationally, at least. drugs make it interesting...whats life? alive? happiness? whats happiness? life is a loop, eternity. can you survive for eternity? something has to end, this life, this world, this era. which would you rather?
stream of consciousness, james joyce. i hated his book, but he was right about the style, and you're right to say it makes you lighter. eventually you get to repeating yourself, but it helps. for a while. but then you need to feel something, even if its just a distraction from the constant feeling, a change.
beware of change