I'm wasting precious minutes before I go to work, to sit in front of my computer, like I do the entire night, looking at nothing, listening to something or other...
I had a strange dream last night, where we were all at a reunion, everyone I've ever known, and we were in the middle of this forest at this Church, this oddly shaped church. it was winter, and we were all outside having a BBQ, and for some reason something happened, and we had to go inside. and suddenly people started disappearing. I couldn't find anyone, and the people I did find didn't want me around. So I walked in a circle in this strange.. church.. thing.. that had no bathrooms... and I couldn't find anyone. So I went back outside and into the woods with my camera, and there was an earthquake, and mountains started coming out of the ground...
but when I got back to the church, no one had noticed the earthquake. probably because they were all almost gone, except for one person, who had come into the woods after me, to make sure I was alright... for some reason.
it was a strange dream.
Toronto. about seven months from now, I will be leaving Stirling. I'll be moving out for the first time. I'll be in the newly Trigger-happy Toronto. I've already expressed how I hope things will change when I move there. They're bound to, I'm not in this house anymore. things are going to change. everything will change. I'll be far from the people I'm normally close to all the time, save for Calista. I'll be hanging out with new people, assuming I "hang out" at all... I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I don't know what to do with my life. It's been a while since this new plan has been set in stone, but still people give me scowls when they hear I'm not going to school, i'm just going to work. "How long do you plan on doing that for?", oh i don't know, my life-time I guess...
I want to do something. but what is there to do?
Maybe I'll be inspired. Maybe I'll spend those lonely nights walking down the streets, finding different lives clashing together to make something. Maybe I'll sit on the balcony having a smoke, listening to the traffic and trying to find the stars in the smog. Maybe... something will change.
I won't see Ava get bigger. not that much, at least. I won't see my father. I won't see my mother. I won't be in this nutshell anymore. But I've been in it for so long, the thought of being anywhere else is terrifying me, because I don't know what anything else is like. I've never been out in the world. I'm scared of public transit, but I'm going to live in a city where that's me only means of transportation. I'm scared of people, but I'll be bumping into them no matter where I am! I love my privacy, but I'm going to have three other girls as roomies. My life is literally going to be turned upside down on me, and the best I can do is brace myself, grab onto something and hold on for my life...
I wish I was bullet proof.
I had a strange dream last night, where we were all at a reunion, everyone I've ever known, and we were in the middle of this forest at this Church, this oddly shaped church. it was winter, and we were all outside having a BBQ, and for some reason something happened, and we had to go inside. and suddenly people started disappearing. I couldn't find anyone, and the people I did find didn't want me around. So I walked in a circle in this strange.. church.. thing.. that had no bathrooms... and I couldn't find anyone. So I went back outside and into the woods with my camera, and there was an earthquake, and mountains started coming out of the ground...
but when I got back to the church, no one had noticed the earthquake. probably because they were all almost gone, except for one person, who had come into the woods after me, to make sure I was alright... for some reason.
it was a strange dream.
Toronto. about seven months from now, I will be leaving Stirling. I'll be moving out for the first time. I'll be in the newly Trigger-happy Toronto. I've already expressed how I hope things will change when I move there. They're bound to, I'm not in this house anymore. things are going to change. everything will change. I'll be far from the people I'm normally close to all the time, save for Calista. I'll be hanging out with new people, assuming I "hang out" at all... I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I don't know what to do with my life. It's been a while since this new plan has been set in stone, but still people give me scowls when they hear I'm not going to school, i'm just going to work. "How long do you plan on doing that for?", oh i don't know, my life-time I guess...
I want to do something. but what is there to do?
Maybe I'll be inspired. Maybe I'll spend those lonely nights walking down the streets, finding different lives clashing together to make something. Maybe I'll sit on the balcony having a smoke, listening to the traffic and trying to find the stars in the smog. Maybe... something will change.
I won't see Ava get bigger. not that much, at least. I won't see my father. I won't see my mother. I won't be in this nutshell anymore. But I've been in it for so long, the thought of being anywhere else is terrifying me, because I don't know what anything else is like. I've never been out in the world. I'm scared of public transit, but I'm going to live in a city where that's me only means of transportation. I'm scared of people, but I'll be bumping into them no matter where I am! I love my privacy, but I'm going to have three other girls as roomies. My life is literally going to be turned upside down on me, and the best I can do is brace myself, grab onto something and hold on for my life...
I wish I was bullet proof.
prematurely released by Norah at 4:12 PM
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