fuck.
Why does my entire family have to be like this?
Everytime I try to socialize with any of them, i get my fuckin head torn off. Jesus, Do they honestly think I LIKE sitting in my room alone all the time? do they ever think that maybe I'd like to sit down and catch up, or just have a beer? or something?
the only exception to this is my dad, and thats because he seems to be the only other person in my family who notices this. fuck.
I miss my brother. I miss my grandmother, my aunt, my uncle. I miss my mother, even though I LIVE with her. I miss my neice. I miss being with people that I don't need to explain myself to (anymore, at least). or rather, who don't ask. I miss being with people who look at me as a fellow being, as opposed to another girl, or young kid. I miss it, damnit. AND THEY DONT EVEN FUCKING CARE.

I just... want to see them, and be sure they're ok, doing well, happy in SOME way...
fuck.
I want to see my grandmother again, before she gets sick or anything. I want to get to know her better, I want to know her life story, the shit shes seen and done. ditto for my dad and my mum, my aunt. all of them. I want to know them.
and I want them to give a shit about it, and put aside their anti-social behaviour for me, someone who it's safe to be around, who would never judge her own family, flesh and blood.
WHY can't they see that?