And I'm home now.
and I'm hating the fact that the week before I leave, a great guy decides to fool around with me. yeah, just fooling around, but I like hanging out with him, as in, for conversation and being stupid, you know? I don't get that anymore! and NOW he acts like it.
FUCK ME RUNNING SIDEWAYS IN STILLETTOES.

god damnit. god fucking damnit.
what the fuck am I supposed to do with myself now? I'm so fucking lonely, and I desperately want the old days back, where I could run to belleville and be ok. where everyone I wanted to see was right there in the same place.
and I have nothing. I have nothing here for me, i have nothing anywhere. just illusions in oakville, and devious smiles here.

the people here are different. and while I wanted to come home, and I'm glad I did in a sense... I wish I could have taken some of them with me.
I just wish... I belonged somewhere, and felt it, and the people I loved gravitated to that place.
I wish I could find whatever it is thats makin me feel so mpty and sad right now, and so fucking alone, and wishing to fool around some more.
god damnit...
my life has no direction. and maybe I'm supposed to be lost like this, to bring certain things about that my personality is prone to anyway...

god damn. the worse part is...
I think I actually like dan.
and that hurts because I haven't exactly liked someone in a long time, and then I do, and then I move. perfect fucking timing.
even though it was just fooling around, and he said so... I still wish I could do it some more, get some more out of it.. because I'm selfish.
blegh. enough.

I wish I had someone to talk to