I'd love to change the world...
everywhere is freaks and hairies
dykes and fairies, tell me where is sanity
tax the rich, feed the poor,
till there are no rich no more.
I'd love to change the world
but I don't know what do to
So I'll leave it up to you..
Population keeps on breeding
Nation bleeding, still more feeding economy
Life is funny, Skies are sunny
Bees make honey, who needs money, monopoly
I'd love to change the world
But I Don't know what to do
So I'll leave it up to you...
World Pollution, there's no solution
institution, electrocution
just black and white, rich or poor
them and us, stop the war
that's a song we're using for the Rememberance day thing. it's awesome. i love it.
So, today... well, what to say? Am I better than I was? no... not really... in fact, I think, as of ten minutes ago, I've found my hole and made a mess in it. and boy, did I know what I was doing or WHAT.
in other words, i feel like shit for the rest of the night. I'm going to learn songs on guitar, to distract myself, and at this very moment that I am typing this, I hurt a lot.
Know whats funny? how my blogs appear to get the same reaction from most people. I'm dramatic in this medium, i guess... which i think is good, because that means I could write a lot more stuff if I focussed in it instead of jerking off like this... lol, jerkass. but yes, i find that queer in a way, just how that's happened, right?... where am I going with this...
i make people cry... but I don't cry like them. I wonder a lot what would happen, if, lets say, someone I know was put inside my body, and feeling the same things I felt with their OWN past... ok. rephrase: Lets say that someone was put in my body for a day, on a day like this... would they cry? I wonder what they would do in my place. would they cry? sob? laugh? what? I wonder a lot, and I wish I could know, to see where i really stand int hsi sort of thing, but... i can't, right? not possible. and really, I think that's why i type the way I do, to try and immitate, the BEST that I can, how I feel, so I get an answer.
the answer was, in the case of my last blog, they would cry.
but wait, why?
ill never know why. thats what the comment thing is for, i suppose. not to get feedback on how to feel better, nothing like that, but for someone to tell me what they feel and why. how do they relate to what I've just written?
wow, i just realized why I do things. holy shite. thats amazing! I was questioning that for SO long, too! craziness...
anyway, back to now.. my now, that is...
how do I feel...
pained. sad. depressed. pained. alone. lonely. terribly lonely, longing for someone to be with me right now, so i'm not alone anymore. sure, moms home, ten meters away eating... but I'm so lonely, still. no connections are in this house anymore. Angus left about... twenty or so minutes ago... so, yeah... no one here with me. just music, and although music is the most precious thing to me (next to someone), it doesn't always comfort you the way a human does. thats the problem with technology. it can be SO amazing, take away distance between people with internet, phones, etc etc... but the person is still not really there, and I think (and hope) that technology will never immitate that connection. it's a human thing, something nothing can immitate. it's just there.
and I'm lacking it a lot.
my sibling moved out six years ago. my parents divorced thirteen years ago. an intruder came into my life seven years ago... and he came into my life three years ago... and left again, in a sense.
i cant describe this without making apparent who it is, and the fact is i DONT want everyone to know because of the assumptions made... but after being with him for, lets say, an hour, i can't go through the night without him. I need to hear his voice forever, see his face, feel that presence... hes oxygen to me. he is my life, and thats the biggest mistake i ever made.
once again, the constant theory. i didn't think, i hoped (PRAYED, when i believed in a god that would hear my prayers... then I learned...) that he would someday be my constant, my true love, my lover, best friend, husband, my life... and he was not, is not, will not be. he is my life though, and when you have one, you need the rest of those... with him, at least.
god, i love him. god. there is no god that hears me at night, or heard me. I don't pray anymore. I lost faith a long time ago and found something I can actually relate to, feel. i lost faith in "god" long long ago. i dont regret it. I prayed may a time for something, help, something more than the pain... and i got no answer. no hint. nothing. it's still here, for all of life, and I've given up on god. i have myself, my own body to control, to live with, and theres' no changing what happens and what happened.
what did I pray for? i never got an answer though. one thing i prayed for was an answer, a hint, something that would shed light on this cave... and there was nothing. not a flicker of hope.
thanks for listening.
whats so weird with the idea of Karma? whats so weird about it? really, it's just a word for consience, right? i mean, if you do something wrong, like rape someone, you will feel bad if your human, correct? and that will always weigh on you, and that weight is karma. when you die, the weight you feel (Karma) decides how you will live your next lifetime. so, if you feel guilty for raping people, killing, blablabla, you will feel really horrible up to the point you die. and then that feeling of guilt turns into a state of Hell, or a hungry ghost, searching for some escape, until you die from that lifetime as well. whats weird about that? it makes sense to me.. but then again, I'm buddhist, not christian. no heaven for me!....
i've lost track and focus again.
did I ever make a post about soul mates? if not, lets go back to the subject again...
i think I did...well, anyway, soulmates start their existance at the same point, so they're equal in age, etc etc, until one dies. then, they get a head-start at the next life, while the other is left growing in the first lifetime, alone. when that last soulmate finally dies and follows into the next lifetime, the first one is much older, so they may not get the chance to meet again, or anything, and it keeps going like that.
add into that equation the possibility of being born into a different life, such as...well, one soulmate might be reborn as a human being, but the other may be reborn in a state of heaven... so they're in different places/states as well... add to THAT, if both are reborn as humans, the size of the world, where people are...
the chance of meeting a soulmate is not great. infact, it's something that only happens every few lifetimes, all by the roll of the dice, all by chance, numbers matching, slots...whatever. it is rare. so rare, infact, that when it happens... it may be so weird for them, the soulmates, that they may not know what to think or do, or even recognize it as LOVE, or mistake it for infatuation, something that seems to be popular in this world now.
so now they are confused, and they only have one life to figure it out.
theres a disappointing thing. even if they meet and mate, it's only for a lifetime. then they are seperated again. enjoy it while it's there then, right? make the most of having your soulmate with you.
Fuck, sometimes it feels so much like I've already met him, know him, am friends with him... god that hurts so much...
oh shut up
tomorrow i start my big painting, in oil... alright. lets see if i can get back on the horse!
dykes and fairies, tell me where is sanity
tax the rich, feed the poor,
till there are no rich no more.
I'd love to change the world
but I don't know what do to
So I'll leave it up to you..
Population keeps on breeding
Nation bleeding, still more feeding economy
Life is funny, Skies are sunny
Bees make honey, who needs money, monopoly
I'd love to change the world
But I Don't know what to do
So I'll leave it up to you...
World Pollution, there's no solution
institution, electrocution
just black and white, rich or poor
them and us, stop the war
that's a song we're using for the Rememberance day thing. it's awesome. i love it.
So, today... well, what to say? Am I better than I was? no... not really... in fact, I think, as of ten minutes ago, I've found my hole and made a mess in it. and boy, did I know what I was doing or WHAT.
in other words, i feel like shit for the rest of the night. I'm going to learn songs on guitar, to distract myself, and at this very moment that I am typing this, I hurt a lot.
Know whats funny? how my blogs appear to get the same reaction from most people. I'm dramatic in this medium, i guess... which i think is good, because that means I could write a lot more stuff if I focussed in it instead of jerking off like this... lol, jerkass. but yes, i find that queer in a way, just how that's happened, right?... where am I going with this...
i make people cry... but I don't cry like them. I wonder a lot what would happen, if, lets say, someone I know was put inside my body, and feeling the same things I felt with their OWN past... ok. rephrase: Lets say that someone was put in my body for a day, on a day like this... would they cry? I wonder what they would do in my place. would they cry? sob? laugh? what? I wonder a lot, and I wish I could know, to see where i really stand int hsi sort of thing, but... i can't, right? not possible. and really, I think that's why i type the way I do, to try and immitate, the BEST that I can, how I feel, so I get an answer.
the answer was, in the case of my last blog, they would cry.
but wait, why?
ill never know why. thats what the comment thing is for, i suppose. not to get feedback on how to feel better, nothing like that, but for someone to tell me what they feel and why. how do they relate to what I've just written?
wow, i just realized why I do things. holy shite. thats amazing! I was questioning that for SO long, too! craziness...
anyway, back to now.. my now, that is...
how do I feel...
pained. sad. depressed. pained. alone. lonely. terribly lonely, longing for someone to be with me right now, so i'm not alone anymore. sure, moms home, ten meters away eating... but I'm so lonely, still. no connections are in this house anymore. Angus left about... twenty or so minutes ago... so, yeah... no one here with me. just music, and although music is the most precious thing to me (next to someone), it doesn't always comfort you the way a human does. thats the problem with technology. it can be SO amazing, take away distance between people with internet, phones, etc etc... but the person is still not really there, and I think (and hope) that technology will never immitate that connection. it's a human thing, something nothing can immitate. it's just there.
and I'm lacking it a lot.
my sibling moved out six years ago. my parents divorced thirteen years ago. an intruder came into my life seven years ago... and he came into my life three years ago... and left again, in a sense.
i cant describe this without making apparent who it is, and the fact is i DONT want everyone to know because of the assumptions made... but after being with him for, lets say, an hour, i can't go through the night without him. I need to hear his voice forever, see his face, feel that presence... hes oxygen to me. he is my life, and thats the biggest mistake i ever made.
once again, the constant theory. i didn't think, i hoped (PRAYED, when i believed in a god that would hear my prayers... then I learned...) that he would someday be my constant, my true love, my lover, best friend, husband, my life... and he was not, is not, will not be. he is my life though, and when you have one, you need the rest of those... with him, at least.
god, i love him. god. there is no god that hears me at night, or heard me. I don't pray anymore. I lost faith a long time ago and found something I can actually relate to, feel. i lost faith in "god" long long ago. i dont regret it. I prayed may a time for something, help, something more than the pain... and i got no answer. no hint. nothing. it's still here, for all of life, and I've given up on god. i have myself, my own body to control, to live with, and theres' no changing what happens and what happened.
what did I pray for? i never got an answer though. one thing i prayed for was an answer, a hint, something that would shed light on this cave... and there was nothing. not a flicker of hope.
thanks for listening.
whats so weird with the idea of Karma? whats so weird about it? really, it's just a word for consience, right? i mean, if you do something wrong, like rape someone, you will feel bad if your human, correct? and that will always weigh on you, and that weight is karma. when you die, the weight you feel (Karma) decides how you will live your next lifetime. so, if you feel guilty for raping people, killing, blablabla, you will feel really horrible up to the point you die. and then that feeling of guilt turns into a state of Hell, or a hungry ghost, searching for some escape, until you die from that lifetime as well. whats weird about that? it makes sense to me.. but then again, I'm buddhist, not christian. no heaven for me!....
i've lost track and focus again.
did I ever make a post about soul mates? if not, lets go back to the subject again...
i think I did...well, anyway, soulmates start their existance at the same point, so they're equal in age, etc etc, until one dies. then, they get a head-start at the next life, while the other is left growing in the first lifetime, alone. when that last soulmate finally dies and follows into the next lifetime, the first one is much older, so they may not get the chance to meet again, or anything, and it keeps going like that.
add into that equation the possibility of being born into a different life, such as...well, one soulmate might be reborn as a human being, but the other may be reborn in a state of heaven... so they're in different places/states as well... add to THAT, if both are reborn as humans, the size of the world, where people are...
the chance of meeting a soulmate is not great. infact, it's something that only happens every few lifetimes, all by the roll of the dice, all by chance, numbers matching, slots...whatever. it is rare. so rare, infact, that when it happens... it may be so weird for them, the soulmates, that they may not know what to think or do, or even recognize it as LOVE, or mistake it for infatuation, something that seems to be popular in this world now.
so now they are confused, and they only have one life to figure it out.
theres a disappointing thing. even if they meet and mate, it's only for a lifetime. then they are seperated again. enjoy it while it's there then, right? make the most of having your soulmate with you.
Fuck, sometimes it feels so much like I've already met him, know him, am friends with him... god that hurts so much...
oh shut up
tomorrow i start my big painting, in oil... alright. lets see if i can get back on the horse!
prematurely released by Norah at 6:10 PM
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