what a wonderful world
Whenever a customer walks into my store, I read them. If a customer walks in and isn't familiar with the store, they'll slow down almost to a stop a few steps into the store, look around (but not at me) and then start off again in search of what they want. if a regular comes in, they come straight in, go where they want, etc etc...
if a customer comes in and wants propane, their body language is the same as the first person who hasn't been there before, only chin up more and looking straight at me, catching my eye.
and thats how I know people. Thats how I know who assholes are. body language. something i'm getting to perfect in this job.
so far, i'm not liking working during the day on saturdays. it was busy today. propane ALL day. add a hang-over and only a few hours of "sleep" to run on, it wasn't a good time.
people are fucking assholes, but today we got the worst of them. people who lectured us about something we knew already. so what? you think i give a shit? yes, we know twenty plus ten equals thirty, but that doesn't me we carry a thirty dollar calling card. do you want TWO CARDS OR ONE? Don't get fed up with me asking for your name three times. it's not my fault you mumble all the fucking time in a place with ten other people behind you, yapping loudly like hicks do. believe it or not, the teenager knows what shes doing in her own store, despite being hung over and grumpy. she knows how to do math, she's not trying to screw you over, and she's not going to carry your shit around for you.
i can't believe i have to put up with people butting in front of other people, people taking for-fucking-ever on the lottery machines and scratch tickets when there's a line forming.
at times, i can feel the air change when a real upper-class, "I'm so great" egotistical brat walks in. just the way they walk in. yeah, go ahead and be proud of your leather purse, your overly made-up face using the most "expensive" shit, and you designer sun glasses and Perfect hair... even if you are sixty. just because i have to give you things doesn't mean you own me. for fucks sake, I'm the one who takes your money and gives you shit. I have the control to not give you anything at all! Be a little respectful, dick heads! don't bitch at me, don't give me dirty looks, or maybe some day I WILL rip you off.
frustrating day. too many un-deoderized people. some i worked with... hint hint....
went to calistas last night. had some drinks, hung out with people i hadn't seen in a while, some i had never actually spoken to before. it was nice. fucking sweaty for a while, but by three or four it got nice. yeah. morning. i was up at nine for work. 4 hours of sleep tops. not much. but i'm still going.
I was hoping to get out tonight. at work, riding in the passenger side of a car seemed so perfect. the weather reminded me of last summer, of all it's ordeals. to think, i'm entering that summer again, but it's a year later, and everything is fucked up and in the wrong place and time and state. everything is different, yet the same. I guess I'm realizing now that my life will be a never ending cycle that never changes. not fully, at least. last summer will be every summer for the rest of my life. just a little screwed with. I'm moving out in little more than a month. don't know where. dont have another job lined up yet. but, thats ok...
I'm admitting to a lifestyle everyone hates. and i'll hate it too. but it's the ups of that life style I like the sound of. meeting musicians and artists, other philosophers, people with opinions, who rebel, who try to change things. maybe I'll get swept up in a wave, in some great motion towards something phenomonal.
but, i'm stuck. I have a lot to clean up before I leave, because this will be a big jump. not like going to school, where i have certain times off where i'm expected to go back home. I don't have those. I have something else, i think. work hours. full time job.
so i'm trying to put myself into my future position, to get an understanding of what I have to do now to either get there or improve it. but... I can't.
most of the time, it's fine. I'll picture this presentation I have to put on tomorrow, think of the best way to act in front of that group of people, and it works out...
but I can't with this. this is beyond stirling, bayside, my friends... this is something else. something scary in a way. and i know it. and every time I try to get ready, try to put myself in the future, like with my presentations.. the wiring gets fucked up, and I'm back in last summer, when everything changed. when everything and everyone I knew fell into this black hole and came out on a wierd end. when I woke up to it. It.
-fucking bikes are too loud. stupid motorcycles. assholes have ruined three shows so far. I'll never know all of King Tuts real name and how to pronounce it. arg.
yeah, lots yet to do...
its too hot though. we're all going to roast before 2020. or freeze. the winters and summers will get worse. colder. hotter. we'll be reaching 50 celsius in twenty years. less. we're screwed. my generation on will feel this horrbile curse and it's real havoc. we'll be burned to death, we'll freeze to death, we'll suffocate in this shitty little balloon of gas thats slowly tearing apart. see how we've fucked ourselves over?
Oh, i'm such a hypocrit. I've fucked myself over big time. difference is, my fucking up only effects me and a few others, not the world...
what a fucked up world
if a customer comes in and wants propane, their body language is the same as the first person who hasn't been there before, only chin up more and looking straight at me, catching my eye.
and thats how I know people. Thats how I know who assholes are. body language. something i'm getting to perfect in this job.
so far, i'm not liking working during the day on saturdays. it was busy today. propane ALL day. add a hang-over and only a few hours of "sleep" to run on, it wasn't a good time.
people are fucking assholes, but today we got the worst of them. people who lectured us about something we knew already. so what? you think i give a shit? yes, we know twenty plus ten equals thirty, but that doesn't me we carry a thirty dollar calling card. do you want TWO CARDS OR ONE? Don't get fed up with me asking for your name three times. it's not my fault you mumble all the fucking time in a place with ten other people behind you, yapping loudly like hicks do. believe it or not, the teenager knows what shes doing in her own store, despite being hung over and grumpy. she knows how to do math, she's not trying to screw you over, and she's not going to carry your shit around for you.
i can't believe i have to put up with people butting in front of other people, people taking for-fucking-ever on the lottery machines and scratch tickets when there's a line forming.
at times, i can feel the air change when a real upper-class, "I'm so great" egotistical brat walks in. just the way they walk in. yeah, go ahead and be proud of your leather purse, your overly made-up face using the most "expensive" shit, and you designer sun glasses and Perfect hair... even if you are sixty. just because i have to give you things doesn't mean you own me. for fucks sake, I'm the one who takes your money and gives you shit. I have the control to not give you anything at all! Be a little respectful, dick heads! don't bitch at me, don't give me dirty looks, or maybe some day I WILL rip you off.
frustrating day. too many un-deoderized people. some i worked with... hint hint....
went to calistas last night. had some drinks, hung out with people i hadn't seen in a while, some i had never actually spoken to before. it was nice. fucking sweaty for a while, but by three or four it got nice. yeah. morning. i was up at nine for work. 4 hours of sleep tops. not much. but i'm still going.
I was hoping to get out tonight. at work, riding in the passenger side of a car seemed so perfect. the weather reminded me of last summer, of all it's ordeals. to think, i'm entering that summer again, but it's a year later, and everything is fucked up and in the wrong place and time and state. everything is different, yet the same. I guess I'm realizing now that my life will be a never ending cycle that never changes. not fully, at least. last summer will be every summer for the rest of my life. just a little screwed with. I'm moving out in little more than a month. don't know where. dont have another job lined up yet. but, thats ok...
I'm admitting to a lifestyle everyone hates. and i'll hate it too. but it's the ups of that life style I like the sound of. meeting musicians and artists, other philosophers, people with opinions, who rebel, who try to change things. maybe I'll get swept up in a wave, in some great motion towards something phenomonal.
but, i'm stuck. I have a lot to clean up before I leave, because this will be a big jump. not like going to school, where i have certain times off where i'm expected to go back home. I don't have those. I have something else, i think. work hours. full time job.
so i'm trying to put myself into my future position, to get an understanding of what I have to do now to either get there or improve it. but... I can't.
most of the time, it's fine. I'll picture this presentation I have to put on tomorrow, think of the best way to act in front of that group of people, and it works out...
but I can't with this. this is beyond stirling, bayside, my friends... this is something else. something scary in a way. and i know it. and every time I try to get ready, try to put myself in the future, like with my presentations.. the wiring gets fucked up, and I'm back in last summer, when everything changed. when everything and everyone I knew fell into this black hole and came out on a wierd end. when I woke up to it. It.
-fucking bikes are too loud. stupid motorcycles. assholes have ruined three shows so far. I'll never know all of King Tuts real name and how to pronounce it. arg.
yeah, lots yet to do...
its too hot though. we're all going to roast before 2020. or freeze. the winters and summers will get worse. colder. hotter. we'll be reaching 50 celsius in twenty years. less. we're screwed. my generation on will feel this horrbile curse and it's real havoc. we'll be burned to death, we'll freeze to death, we'll suffocate in this shitty little balloon of gas thats slowly tearing apart. see how we've fucked ourselves over?
Oh, i'm such a hypocrit. I've fucked myself over big time. difference is, my fucking up only effects me and a few others, not the world...
what a fucked up world
prematurely released by Norah at 8:53 PM
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