I don't love you, and the grass is blue...
I hate it when you copy and paste stuff from other sites into here, and it all turns into one giant block of one sentence. its annoying. then you have to go around and put spaces in. maybe there's a trick to it. or not.
either way, its another night at home. the parents came back. I guess they wanted to watch the mileage on gords car, since it's on lease. still not happy about it.
work today wasn't that bad. I'll survive till tomorrow night at 11. it's all good until then.
in the meantime, moving is starting to loom over me, but.. I'm not going anywhere yet. everything is up in the air. and the fact is: It can't be anymore. I wanted to be gone by now. but things changed. but I made an oath to myself a LONG time ago, that I wouldn't spend any longer than the summer living here. meaning: I want to be gone by the end of the summer, before school starts up again.. not that it really matters when I move. it does to me though. I don't want to live in this house beyond the first week of september.
and it doesn't matter where I live anymore. I just need to get out and away from here. I've already been through a bit with this. I mean, my living arrangements have changed a few times now... they might change again. As horrible as I may be with this, I need to get out. so things may change again. I might go to Ottawa, I might not... which I hate. I want to go to Ottawa. I love that city. It's the one city I feel good in. the one city I feel at home in. Someday I'll get there. but it may not be this year afterall...
so things are up in the air.
I actually hate it.
I've been wondering about whats going on with Joel. A lot of people, as soon as I tell them that we broke up, get all sentimental and try to "help" me through this... well, I don't need the help. I was over him before it ended. before it started, as I'm sure I've said before, but right now I can't help but wonder what he's up to. If he's found a place, a roomie maybe, a girl, a decent job, if his music has changed... what music? heh. but yeah, I wonder about him once in a while. I still have his old license in my wallet. I keep forgetting to move it somewhere else, or just chuck it. As much as I say it, I'm really not that bitter about ex's... except that one... so it's not like I want to erase them from my past. I don't want to erase Joel. I learned from him and the whole experience, or Novelty, as some would call it. I've learned a bit. so naturally, I wonder if He's learned anything from me. I would hope so. otherwise, whats the point?
well, I guess the point to HIM would be to find a family. it is to a lot of people. not me, at this point. I have to find me first. thats why it failed.
this weekend has been a bit rough on me. I've found myself getting home from work and finding something to eat and just sitting by the tv or here. thats normal. but I actually feel tired now. sadly, I can't sit in front of the TV anymore, since Gord is home and has taken it over. and i'm just not comfortable sitting with them anymore. another reason to get out soon. It's making me sick.
well, thats all for tonight. monday night. civic holiday. hardly.
either way, its another night at home. the parents came back. I guess they wanted to watch the mileage on gords car, since it's on lease. still not happy about it.
work today wasn't that bad. I'll survive till tomorrow night at 11. it's all good until then.
in the meantime, moving is starting to loom over me, but.. I'm not going anywhere yet. everything is up in the air. and the fact is: It can't be anymore. I wanted to be gone by now. but things changed. but I made an oath to myself a LONG time ago, that I wouldn't spend any longer than the summer living here. meaning: I want to be gone by the end of the summer, before school starts up again.. not that it really matters when I move. it does to me though. I don't want to live in this house beyond the first week of september.
and it doesn't matter where I live anymore. I just need to get out and away from here. I've already been through a bit with this. I mean, my living arrangements have changed a few times now... they might change again. As horrible as I may be with this, I need to get out. so things may change again. I might go to Ottawa, I might not... which I hate. I want to go to Ottawa. I love that city. It's the one city I feel good in. the one city I feel at home in. Someday I'll get there. but it may not be this year afterall...
so things are up in the air.
I actually hate it.
I've been wondering about whats going on with Joel. A lot of people, as soon as I tell them that we broke up, get all sentimental and try to "help" me through this... well, I don't need the help. I was over him before it ended. before it started, as I'm sure I've said before, but right now I can't help but wonder what he's up to. If he's found a place, a roomie maybe, a girl, a decent job, if his music has changed... what music? heh. but yeah, I wonder about him once in a while. I still have his old license in my wallet. I keep forgetting to move it somewhere else, or just chuck it. As much as I say it, I'm really not that bitter about ex's... except that one... so it's not like I want to erase them from my past. I don't want to erase Joel. I learned from him and the whole experience, or Novelty, as some would call it. I've learned a bit. so naturally, I wonder if He's learned anything from me. I would hope so. otherwise, whats the point?
well, I guess the point to HIM would be to find a family. it is to a lot of people. not me, at this point. I have to find me first. thats why it failed.
this weekend has been a bit rough on me. I've found myself getting home from work and finding something to eat and just sitting by the tv or here. thats normal. but I actually feel tired now. sadly, I can't sit in front of the TV anymore, since Gord is home and has taken it over. and i'm just not comfortable sitting with them anymore. another reason to get out soon. It's making me sick.
well, thats all for tonight. monday night. civic holiday. hardly.
prematurely released by Norah at 8:45 PM
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