rant number... something....ifty

not this weekend, but next weekend, my aunt and uncle have invited us up to their cottage. their cottage is amazing. it's a perfectly clean, clear lake at the bottom of this valley, with lots of these little islands in the middle. its a private lake, so not a lot of cottages, thus very quiet. it's the closest you'll get to an all natural place. it's beautiful. so, whenever we go up there, i enjoy it. its a great getaway. and this year, i was looking forward to using my new camera and lenses to photograph it, since it may be my last chance to do so...

But that weekend, Adrienne has booked off. which means I'm working all weekend for her...

which means, just like last year, I'm going to get gipped out of a trip, out of a real vacation with my mom and gord and aunt and uncle and cousin and this beautiful valley. i love it out there. and yet again, I'm robbed of the opportunity. why? just plain old bad timing. but nevertheless, i'm pissed. I'm bitter about the fact that I can't have a real vacation, even if it is only for one night. at least I would get to see that lake again, get to swim in that clean spring water.

but nope

i'm stuck in this fucking town. again. like last year. like my entire life.

fuck. in a way, i'm pissed at adrienne. she's going to a concert or something. but I shouldn't be mad at her, it's not her fault. it's no ones fault. i just wish it was someone's fault, so I could have some reason to be this bitter. fuuuuck

sigh

as much as i'm excited to get into a city and out of a small town, the whole farmer town is in me. being that i'm at my best in the country, in the wild part of it. i'm at my best. i feel my best. i get great ideas (like the other day, getting water with my dad. I was standing on the top of this hill, and i looked over into this field, and in the middle of the field was this one, lone tree. old, branches bending to the ground, and one part of this ancient looking africanized-ish tree had it's limbs, twisting and rounding about one another, dead. so, there were leaves everywhere but this one part, exposing what the tree really was. old, grey, and twisted. it was beautiful, and I wished I had my camera at that moment. because at the moment, inspiration paid me a visit). I feel good.

as much as I complain about this town, sometimes i need the escape into the country, instead of away from it. i need to get back to it, to get a REAL vacation, to really relax and feel at ease and safe. and going to the cottage does that for me.
but for the second year in a row, i don't get to feel that. so, i'm stuck in this town, having to improvise with my time...

ah, fuck. i hate that tara got fired. if she wasn't fired, i could have done it. i could have gone away. but no...

fucky McFuckerson