yeah

I must be cursed or something.

Everyday feels like a Hangover day. and if it doesn't for at least a few hours at SOME point, then it's not a normal day. It's a special day, and I'm supposed to do something.
I must be cursed. My brother was. he had those horrid Migraines and shit when he was younger, things that would split his head open and let out all the screams of pain and fists of rage and pain combined. oh, and vomit. he got that curse. but it went away... mind you, it was replaced by wrist problems and shoulder problems from work.

Me? I've got this eternal headache. I always have one. small, then worse at various points of the day. the right solution: eat better and get the fuck out and do something. oh, if only I had a bike... wait, I do. at Emma's still. man, i should get that, assuming they haven't thrown it out. I can't remember...

but, it's me. I have a social problem, or "disorder". and theres my excuse for sitting here, in front of the computer all the time. I have it set in my head that I shouldn't go out into hot hot weather unless I have to. Most people do, I would think. same with cold cold weather. well, it's hot... i'm not going out. simple as that. so give me ten advil for the day, and I'll be better.
but in the meantime...

if only rain couldn't soak me. friggen...

and I've forgotten the real reason to this post, besides complaining about my headaches... what else would I do?

my mother still thinks I'm going to get a career in something. she suggested being a mortician... uh, yeah... no.
weird. It still bugs me when she's like that. "Then get a job in a factory, that's all you'll get"
why is it like that? why is it that people only respect jobs like doctors and shit, things you need to go to school for ten years after graduation for in order to even get started?
I can't help it. I don't have faith in this fucking system. I don't believe in it, not when it comes to art, the only thing I would ever follow. I want to paint, sing, write. But I can't make money off of it unless I give in and waste all my money on schooling... which will teach me, what? what? nothing. NOTHING. so why bother wasting the money, mother?
Why doesn't she get it? I've explained it. I've told her. I'm not following a career in anything that I don't love. I love art. I don't believe in teaching that, either. creativity is something to be found, not injected, or read about. It's all a load of bullshit to me, and thats why I have a headache.
because of Bullshit. this bullshit. fuckin...