Confess

I don't get it.
I mean, I COULD, but I don't really want to.

my choice in men (or the two since Joey) has been... far below parr. at least nowadays.

I look at what they're doing now, and it's just like "Woh, dude, you're a fucking moron man"
but thats just me.
I'm a moron too. to them, at least, i would think.

I must admit: I go into one of their emails once in a while. curiosity gets me. but, its only the guy who did it to me. the guy I was stupid enough to give my password. in all likliness, he did it to me for a while, until I changed my password. fucker. he didn't change his though. he was stupid enough to give me his.

see, the difference between our stupidity is this: Mine changed. I learned much much more about the computer and how to be safe. he didn't.
I know what he does.
if i wanted to, I could change his password on him. I could change his profile, anything. I could do ANYTHING man. and this makes me a bad bad person. heh. I can't help.

but therein lies the excuse, and the reason: I DONT do anything. I hold back. that seems to be the difference: I hold back. not all the way... but enough. I guess.

im horrible.

but he is to. not to me...
but he has... three girls going at once. He's all over the place. he's keeping one on the hook, throwing his "love" words around like they're confetti and he's got bags left to throw. its pretty retarded. who does that?
The human brain is amazing, and how it works. we refuse to do things that would help ourselves, because it would require a sacrafice we just can't handle, because we haven't allowed room for sacrafice.
We say things that mean nothing. and when we finally mean them, they mean nothing to anyone else. Cry Wolf, anyone?
we are strange people, we really are. and I'm no exception. Here I am, enthralled by reading someone elses emails, breaking into the privacy for no good reason, other than "he did it to me... and admitted it" which I suppose makes him a "better person". But no one's better here. I'm no better. I'm the worst kind.
no But.

this is why I think I will end up in Anthropology when I go to school... whenever that is. maybe. I just need to get into the idea of "homework" i suppose.

human behaviour. everyone is different. and yet, we can predict eachother. we can read eachother before we open our mouths. a sixth sense, perhaps.

I take comfort in hearing from my friend that he can't read me. ever.
I don't like to be read. it's not... comfy.

and why am I typing all of this out?

Because I've had two drinks. and because I'm a cheap drunk who drinks slowly, I'm buzzzzed nad having a hard time keeping my fingers working. they're very warm. hmm, warm...

I should stop going into his email...

he should stop pouring his foolishness out freely. no wonder he "gets hurt". he's not helping himself.

I dont understand those people either, people who give themselves away, thinking they can trust the human race. But I won't get into that.. not tonight.

GAH. someone call me or something, i'm bored. and lonely.