so I'm still alive. Blogger is falling apart, I believe. Who knows.
Work in half an hour+.
Moving in ten days to the city. There's the change.
Wait, wheres the change????? ooooh yeah!
Going to sleep has been a scary experience. just because I know pretty soon that I won't be sleeping in my comfy, lived in bedroom, and I have to restart in a cold, rather... retarded place. yeah, retarded was the only word I could think of to fit that description.
anyway...
mother came home yesterday from her Mary Kay thang. She seemed put off by me a bit. not angry or anything, but not a lot of words passed between us. and its strange, because I already miss her, and I know she misses me already, but last night (and this morning) we aren't talking much.
But ava is coming over again today (such a beautiful baby. she's going to be a heartbreaker. seriously. Ill post one of her), so when I'm off work, I'll sit with the two of them. look at that, three generations. too bad ava isn't mine, ha! not yet.

those are some of the other thoughts going through my mind lately. not of dating, I don't want to date... but I want to settle on something, for once. I haven't done that before. I haven't made a clear decision in a while. On whether or not I want to be alone, if I want to talk to him about things. if I'll even find him. I haven't talked to him in a while. I hope he's still there...

Lately things have been twisting into totally different... whats the word... ok, I'm not good with words today... THINGS. THINGS are changing into really fucked up THINGS. So it's bothering me a bit, how much some things are changing.

for instance:
I'm about to move out of my mothers house. Big step for me. So big, infact, that I'm finding it very daunting, and exhausting, just working up to it. I'm sure things will be a lot smoother (cross fingers) after the move... but right now, all that solidity I had worked so hard on, is coming out from under me...
its pissing me off, in a way. FUCK man?!

alright... I need to work. Another issue there: MONEY. Someone called me yesterday about a job. I called her back. She asked to call me back.
never did.
fuck. I need a job!