what shall I type, what shall I type, what shall I type...
wellwellwell
Today was the first day-shift at work. not too bad, either. some very strange people show up, not that it bugs me. I like the wierd ones, they're closer to me, in that wierd sense. buahaha!
things have gotten to the point where, at night, i get energy. good for while working nights, but afterwards it takes some hours to wind down, and by that point its 2AM and I should just forget about sleep because IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. I've always known I would become the night owl, runs in the family, i believe, i'm just not going to be the happy night owl. another things that runs in the family.
CONSTANT DISAPPOINTMENT.
thats the high expectations for you.
tomorrow I will receieve my first Debit card, and then I may begin depositting cheques, as well as fantasizing about my LES PAUL to come. Epiphone, I know, but still an electris. if only patrick hadn't sold his special edition...
eyes are burning, sty from saturday morning just beginning to go away, and i am sick. I got two hours of actual deep sleep last (this morning, I guess would be more correct) due to my nose being stuffed up and it taking until about 5 am to realize I could take some pills and sniff some dristan.
like cocaine. oo, yeah!
not.
so i did, then i "slept". then i awoke and went to work. tiring work day. I should not be handling money, money with all these germs all over it, handling every bit of it. arg. well, hopefully I will build an immune system from it.
maybe!
the eyes are tired, but I've got that horrible energy still keeping me up and going, you know? that annoying bit to keep you on the very edge of sleep, but not over it. very very stupid, but....gah.
cold fingers.
not very many pleasant thoughts last night (too much hopeless fantasies, they ended up keeping me awake until early hours, of course). many realizations are beginning to emerge, none of which i will believe once I'm back at school. Naturally, being away from those who have that bipolar effect on me, I'm in a good mood. I don't have to think about certain things and actions on other peoples behalf so much as my own problems. I'm just thinking about how to spend my time, like the good old days.
soon as I'm back at school, everything will jump back to what it was, and the circle shall be completed yet again. stupid cycles! i run through these damn things like... bla.
makes me hate school.
I shouldn't hate school, considering its my only escape into the world other than work, but i'm beginning to dread it in the morning again. West Side Story, though coming along all right, is having its problems, both on its own and with me. i'm not very happy with it, though i am pleased, if that works. G is having trouble with people over it, etc etc, so the first bit of the day is bla. APS is a well known story. CRAP.
second half of the day includes lunch, which is fine while im going through it, but fifth period I'm always out and down. relapse, i suppose.
sixth, I just want to sleep or go home before i have to work for the rest of the horrible night.
so there are my days. would you not dread them as well? I actually look forward to going home at night now, even for the twenty minutes I'm there before I'm at work. even so, i miss it now, and wish I could just go there, or to dads, and just sleep peacefully, without all these strings attatched.
speaking of dads, I went there last night, watched Devils Advocate, the Russia House, and City of Ghosts. all horrible movies save for Devils Advocate. AWESOME movie. i loved it. i watched once upon a time in mexico today as a free rental. cool movie. i liked it. gord wouldn't shutup, of course. stupid teenager movies, blablabla
well, he didn't say that, but he might as well have. anything I watch has to be crap, because he never understands it. like while im watching Angels in America. awesome show, but he thinks otherwise, blabla. older blog there.
Decided to say Fuck You to surgery on the wrist. it will just come back anyway, so fuck wasting that much money on something useless. like pat and his carpol tunnel. it always comes back, so why waste more money on it? also decided to forget about the "possibility" of seeing a doctor about the actual Bipolar problem. i dont want pills or anything, or therapy, or anything that requires that type of status...blablabla. i dont care. I'll deal. always have before.
its funny. I'm listening to the women/girls at work talk about guys (sunshine boy in particular in the paper) and I'm thinking of how amazing it is, that i never think like that. they drool over these guys, and I'm like "what? nah" to it all. stupid conversations, but I can't help but think highly of being different in that sense of thinking. I dont think that same as them, i suppose, but then again, look at the situation they're in. They've known eachother for years, they're at work, casual place, whynot talk so?...so I guess I'm the weirdo there. ha. still funny to me.
anyway, much nonsense about nothing (ado) so there you go.
i'm off...for a while. hoping for DSL!!!!
Don't trip unless its worth the fall
wellwellwell
Today was the first day-shift at work. not too bad, either. some very strange people show up, not that it bugs me. I like the wierd ones, they're closer to me, in that wierd sense. buahaha!
things have gotten to the point where, at night, i get energy. good for while working nights, but afterwards it takes some hours to wind down, and by that point its 2AM and I should just forget about sleep because IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. I've always known I would become the night owl, runs in the family, i believe, i'm just not going to be the happy night owl. another things that runs in the family.
CONSTANT DISAPPOINTMENT.
thats the high expectations for you.
tomorrow I will receieve my first Debit card, and then I may begin depositting cheques, as well as fantasizing about my LES PAUL to come. Epiphone, I know, but still an electris. if only patrick hadn't sold his special edition...
eyes are burning, sty from saturday morning just beginning to go away, and i am sick. I got two hours of actual deep sleep last (this morning, I guess would be more correct) due to my nose being stuffed up and it taking until about 5 am to realize I could take some pills and sniff some dristan.
like cocaine. oo, yeah!
not.
so i did, then i "slept". then i awoke and went to work. tiring work day. I should not be handling money, money with all these germs all over it, handling every bit of it. arg. well, hopefully I will build an immune system from it.
maybe!
the eyes are tired, but I've got that horrible energy still keeping me up and going, you know? that annoying bit to keep you on the very edge of sleep, but not over it. very very stupid, but....gah.
cold fingers.
not very many pleasant thoughts last night (too much hopeless fantasies, they ended up keeping me awake until early hours, of course). many realizations are beginning to emerge, none of which i will believe once I'm back at school. Naturally, being away from those who have that bipolar effect on me, I'm in a good mood. I don't have to think about certain things and actions on other peoples behalf so much as my own problems. I'm just thinking about how to spend my time, like the good old days.
soon as I'm back at school, everything will jump back to what it was, and the circle shall be completed yet again. stupid cycles! i run through these damn things like... bla.
makes me hate school.
I shouldn't hate school, considering its my only escape into the world other than work, but i'm beginning to dread it in the morning again. West Side Story, though coming along all right, is having its problems, both on its own and with me. i'm not very happy with it, though i am pleased, if that works. G is having trouble with people over it, etc etc, so the first bit of the day is bla. APS is a well known story. CRAP.
second half of the day includes lunch, which is fine while im going through it, but fifth period I'm always out and down. relapse, i suppose.
sixth, I just want to sleep or go home before i have to work for the rest of the horrible night.
so there are my days. would you not dread them as well? I actually look forward to going home at night now, even for the twenty minutes I'm there before I'm at work. even so, i miss it now, and wish I could just go there, or to dads, and just sleep peacefully, without all these strings attatched.
speaking of dads, I went there last night, watched Devils Advocate, the Russia House, and City of Ghosts. all horrible movies save for Devils Advocate. AWESOME movie. i loved it. i watched once upon a time in mexico today as a free rental. cool movie. i liked it. gord wouldn't shutup, of course. stupid teenager movies, blablabla
well, he didn't say that, but he might as well have. anything I watch has to be crap, because he never understands it. like while im watching Angels in America. awesome show, but he thinks otherwise, blabla. older blog there.
Decided to say Fuck You to surgery on the wrist. it will just come back anyway, so fuck wasting that much money on something useless. like pat and his carpol tunnel. it always comes back, so why waste more money on it? also decided to forget about the "possibility" of seeing a doctor about the actual Bipolar problem. i dont want pills or anything, or therapy, or anything that requires that type of status...blablabla. i dont care. I'll deal. always have before.
its funny. I'm listening to the women/girls at work talk about guys (sunshine boy in particular in the paper) and I'm thinking of how amazing it is, that i never think like that. they drool over these guys, and I'm like "what? nah" to it all. stupid conversations, but I can't help but think highly of being different in that sense of thinking. I dont think that same as them, i suppose, but then again, look at the situation they're in. They've known eachother for years, they're at work, casual place, whynot talk so?...so I guess I'm the weirdo there. ha. still funny to me.
anyway, much nonsense about nothing (ado) so there you go.
i'm off...for a while. hoping for DSL!!!!
Don't trip unless its worth the fall
prematurely released by Norah at 7:43 PM
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