sigh

my fingers are cold.

well, taking off a week or so of work was NOT a bad idea. I am in T.O as i type... and yes. let me say that I am feeling content. At last, i am feeling far away from the world of school and stress, for now at least, and I am happy. im around people i love and who love me back.

well, things are not any better otherwise, if i must say. I have just read my email and things definately aren't looking happy.
so, i'm down to no friends. close friends, i mean. Sure, i have friends, but my two best friends have left me for dirt now.
yes for dirt.
i could easily say things, but other than the dirt thing, i wont go there. I'm happy right now, i dont need to change that.

but hey, thanks for telling me!

ps: I DONT buy drugs

so, lets see...
yesterday Mickey (a very new and GREAT AWESOME mickey) and I went to square one and were shopping for HOURS. she got a bunch of clothes and books, and I got Kurt Cobains journals and a poncho. the poncho is kind of...well, crooked, but its supposed to be, i think. yeah, it is. I love it! its green!





so...





its been a good weekend, thus far (other than email. I dont like logging on and finding THAT in my inbox), and I am happy. yesyes, happyhappy.
go me

let me have a ego

lalalaala

im actually wasting time here

DUDE! I watched Donnie Darko. I LOVE IT. it is my new favourite movie.
"Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit?"
"Why do you wear that stupid man suit?"

I LOVED IT

I've also gotten a taste for Doctor Who. wow. what a silly old show that is. but its really funny to watch, and rather addictive. i couldnt believe i was actually watching that.

wow, crossing my legs helps me type.

shh, there we go. now i'm ready for some more heavy duty typing.

friday the band sounded better. it did, seriously. im still concerned a lot!!! but it sounded better. Maybe hope didn't abandon me after all!
cold fingers

HAHA. mickey just came for the computer but saw me, and she went ahh! yes! BOOYAH

ahh, what else...

no spying

i've been skimming through the KC journals, and...wow. he was rather contradictory. but still, some of this stuff! wow! he was quite the artist. he drew and stuff a lot, and it WASNT dumb shit...well, it was, but it was awesome dumb shit.

ah, man. i either have very wierd gas or im sick. there have been moments where i have almost puked, but it was all false. not real pukeyness, just...wierd gas. i guess. burps are odd...

yummm, food.

i eat straight white bread.

i love my family. my god i love them and miss them so much. I was looking at pictures on the wall, and there was one of me when i was four or so, and i was in my nightgown looking all cute and shit. oh my god, was that me? i thought. fuck. who would have thought that little cutey being sweet with aunt mickey was me, this huge fuck up?
i must be a fuck up. look at what my friends are saying.
but wow, things change so much. its hard to believe sometimes. sad too. i cant remember that night the picture was taken, just the fact that I was wearing something white and trying to get permission to eat chocolate with it on. lol. awww, i miss being little... a lot. i was actually CUTE.

sigh

im moving here during university. fuck, if i dont get into uni, ill just move here anyhow. it seems i've lost all that i had to hold on to anyway in stirling. except Josh. I guess hes my only close friend now, if you call THAT close. fuck, thats kind of sad, isn't it? but yeah, moving here for sure. i hope they dont move before then. HA. back when i liked stirling, i wanted them (gramma and Mickey) to move down to stirling too. Well, it seems im starting to hate stirling more and more, so i wouldn't mind moving up here instead. maybe ill switch highschools next year, get ahead of myself and fuck the whole waiting and enjoying what i've got thing. what have I got? Two ex-best friends who hate me and have disowned me, and a bunch of temporary friends who are about to leave to university/college.
i hope no one takes offence to this, but im paranoid. this is how i think. i love these people more than anything, but lets face it: I'm dispensable. i can be sacraficed for better things, obviously.

wow, this blog suddenly turned on itself.

well, i'm thinking online, how about that? its the truth. maybe those journals are getting to me.
but, i'm not depressed or anything. I'm content right now. I am actually happy. im starting to dread going home tomorrow, but otherwise... I am currently content and fully neutral. no worries about going to one side or the other, not while im here. nonono, emily is a happy person tonight.

tonight, tonight, it all began tonight, i saw you and the world went away

i have had those songs in my head ALL weekend.
incase you haven'y noticed, im delaying getting offline. they're watching who knows what, and I dont feel like watching movies. im not sicked by it, i would just rather keep typing and typing. Typing helps you know. it does.

Buses are dumb.

ahh, had to change my seat abit. its hard to type on this keyboard, its...odd. somehow. anyway, nothing much else i suppose.

that was my rant.
ha.

PS:
no apologies.
i have my reasons for my actions, and no one needs to know what they are.
i have problems, didn't you know?