yeah, so the cd thing likely WONT happen.... now im gonna die.
my parade is being rained on... wait, parade? where?

dawn (step mom) came in tonight and told me that theres now a good chance we ARENT going to Missisauga tomorrow.
great.
I have been looking forward to this trip all week, and now i likely wont go. god damnit. thats just fucking great. I took time off, and now i likely won't go. i need to, damnit! I need to get away from this god-damned shit hole!

grrrr!

ontop of that, of course, is the usual school crap, friend crappier crap, and yeah. shitness. gark. im not in a good mood. today started fine, but today ended up being a perfect example of bipolarness. started fine, but right at lunch, i suddenly lost all of my appetite and i just died inside. I could have broken down so easily, its not even funny. i was a feather!
and then, on the way home, i was suddenly in a better mood. i suddenly didn't give a flying fuck about things. i was going to missisauga anyway, right?

and now?

well, after that bit of news and an email i just read, i am predicting my outlook of tomorrow's day, and...well....it looks pretty fucking shitty. i can expect a lecture, and a let down. lovely. on top of that? i will have to live in this damned place with the same problems for another few months.

to be honest, i can't. ill beg my mom to give me a ride to Toronto, and i will just hitch hike back or something. i can't stay here, seriously, everything is driving me mad. i want to see people who love me! -sob-

anyway...tired. hoping...

yeah, you know what? fuck it.
I'm about to lose a friend permanently (because that just my luck) and I'm about to be stuck in stupid stirling for the rest of my stupid dumb life. what should I do?
sleep.
ahh, sleep. however short it might be, i will sleep until my alarm gets me up a little earlier than usual, walk to the bank, then to the bus stop, and wait for my horrible day to begin its runthrough.
this is why i've got a crappy self-esteem