Mr. McCue Danced!

So, my week has been the same as ever, except now when I go home, no one gets home after me, and I have to do all of the "putting the house to bed" stuff... what a way to put it. Anyway, thats how it's been.
at school, same as ever, although there is a brand new task I have to do, which is STAYING AWAKE. This only seems to happen in World History, and maybe once or twice for a few moments in the rest of the day, and that's keeping my eyes open. It's so hard. I have come so close so many times to just passing out ont he desk. but i'm sure Mr. McCue would have made fun of me and started prodding me with a stick or something. man... I need sleep, even now after a nine hour sleep, I need more. so tired...

-yawn-

work tonight, then maybe hanging out with jen and Scott, but they want to go to a dance.. and I don't....:S:S:S:S nono, not me, no dancing, bla, or music that loud. not up for it. really all I want to do is just kind of sit around, walk around, drinking something good, like... coffee.... and eating something yummy... like.... fries at Jims.

which means EMMA has to call! lol. yupyup.
so tired! i woke up today with Wonderwall in my head. how odd... now im listening to it. hurrah!

school is so stupid. ALTHOUGHT, I finally got the Saxophone fixed. Turns out it wasn't all me. I need to practice still to get my sound better, but it won't squeak now, and it sounds good! God, i missed that thing. i really do love playing it, especially music that was hard once, but after playing it enough it gets easier, and then you can just GIVE 'ER. god, i missed it so much.
other than that, school is still stupid. I feel out of place most of the time, like a butterfly. Yeah, I really am a social butterfly. but I haven't got much of a place to land when i need to. Emma is there, butt hings are just... hollow? Not with her, I love her to death, but in that room, where they all were last year, the year before... the year before... It's like living in a house that once had family members, and then they all died, and you continue living on in there, with nothing but their ghosts floating around like smoke every so often, haunting you, reminding you...
and, it's not even that, really.
It's all me. it's all my head, how badly fucked up it's gotten. It's been bend around so many corners, it'll never straighten out now, and that idea hurts. but then again, I'm used to it, right?
today, I'm tired. Tomorrow, I'm tired. Today I'm alone, Tomorrow I'm alone. But this goes beyond tomorrow, doesn't it folks?
but I'm neutral right now. I'm not depressed, I'm not happy, I'm "normal"... mm, no I'm on a new scale. I'm Angry. I'm Jealous, Angry, pissed off, and tired. All I want is that, but I'm not getting it. Maybe I got too dependant on the faux feeling of it, the simulation... bah, I don't know.

I wish I could turn off anything I wanted, like me, my head, my heart, anything, everything. I wish I could... boy, if that were possible...