There's nothing here to run from

These nights, These almost *rare* nights where we reunite for a few hours, remind me of things. All of these moments that show me what was, and what still is. moments that show how easily you can go from this to that without all of that pain. it's so easy, smooth, un-noticed, fake, not there... it's amazing.
Tonight I was with Calista, Jen, and Scott again, like during the summer, with those bonfires. There was a dinner at Calista's, the entire table + four people, full, with Duck! and it was just a good time, where we all just remembered things, and loved where we were... being there. It was a time where I felt like I couldn't lose it as easily as I thought. It's not that hard to hold onto, it's not that hard to let be. it's not hard. It doesn't need to be hard, really..
and those moments where it is hard? fear, I suppose, because things ARE going to be lost. it already has. This year is not last year. that year is gone, and I guess the reason I get sad about that is because I was so happy in that year, I was so safe, with all of these beautiful people as my friends, getting closer and closer. And it IS hard to stay close to them when they're a three hour drive away, a long distance call away, a lifetime away. Their lives are changing forever, and mine is trapped behind, where it too is changing.
but tonight was a good night. it showed that I will lose things, but some won't be lost so easily. Touch might be lost, but not for long. There's an entire lifetime to find them again. And with the internet and technology where it is and where it's going, finding them will be easier than first thought. It just takes effort, I suppose.
and you have to let it be.

well, let it be, there you go.
but sometimes I still believe in yesterday