Rain on me, man
I love the rain. I love the feel of it, the sound it makes when it hits trees, roads, anything. i love the sound it makes when there's a breeze and it makes the trees leaves hit eachother, making that awesome snapping-ish sound. I love the quality rain gives to the sky, to the air you're breathing, I love rain.
But i hate it when it rains on my parade.
fuck you rain! when it comes to that...
that bit of electricity is done now. I guess. I don't know. I think I made a mistake or something, because things have changed, in the course of.... five minutes? yeah, thats about it, five minutes. I made a mistake... that or he's fucking around with me. in that case, fuck him too.
ha! I hope he doesn't read this thing!
meh
so, life is back to normal. not a good thing. normal is a few posts back, where I can't stay awake, no matter how hard I try. I kept telling myself this morning that I HAD to read this stuff! I have to get it down, or I'm going to fail World History, and music, theory wise. I won't get accepted anywhere if I don't get my act together! i need to shut up my imagination! stop dreaming about things! Stop thinking about what I love to think about, and think about these tiny threads of information split up and splattered everywhere called a text Book.
HOW? HOW does an artist, a writer, a musician, shut up their imagination?! How do they keep their mind on something that is NOT interesting? HOW? These things are scattered everywhere! I mean, History is a story! a series of stories! hiSTORY. Hi-STORY. hello!!!!! Make it like a story! Make it a straigher line! I know thats hard to do, but thats the only way i can get the facts down for good! I can't read ten pages, make notes, read another ten pages, make more notes... i cant. not when the subject on those ten pages changes fifty times from this person to this religion, to this army, to this name, to this city, to this person.... it's too messy! i can't sort those things out! i can't keep my mind on something so fucking retarded and boring!
so i'm going to fail. art i wont fail, i love art, i get to think about what I want to think about in that class. I do what I love in that class. Music is half and half. I love playing, but the theory, as badly as I wish i could learn it, is latin to me. LATIN, people!
history... another world. I don't belong in this world at all. I don't belong here. not here, not in this place..
I need a lot more time, school wise. I can't start applying to schools next month. I can't. I'm not ready! I need time!I mean, I just FOUND my life, and then it was taken away... its being taken away from me still, and I'm trying to desperately to keep that life, and at the same time figure out my future life...
is that even possible?
it's like trying to hold onto an arm full of balls, while someone far off is throwing more at you, and you are expected to hold onto the ones you have while catching the new ones. NO DROPPING ANY, or you FAIL and DIE ALONE AND SAD.
do you know how it feels when you know what you want to do all of your life, but when it comes time to make actions to have that official, to officially be an Artist, or Chemist, or Musician, whatever... You don't know how? You know where you want to end up, but getting there is so fucking confusing with all of the side-tracks, the bullshit, the distractions thrown at you from society... where do you get it straight? where do you get yourself together when you're 16? how do you do that at 16? someone tell me, i feel completely lost. I know where I want to go, what I want to see and do, who I want to meet... but... how? how can i get ALL of that sorted out in a few months? because lately, it feels like thats what I have to do. It's too big for me, too immense, I'm terrified. I'm so scared of fucking up my life forever because I won't get into school and have the right credentials to do what I Love, to LIVE.
frig, i hate people. I hate the world today, for forcing all of this on me. I'm too young to think about this stuff. I just want to live, not worry. I shouldn't have to worry like this, thats not how you're supposed to live, and I can't do this. it's way too much for me.
I can barely face having to read twenty pages in that fucking text book and then make notes on it... then read up on Ghandi... then figure out my question... it's too much, the thought of it exhausts me.
so much for being happy, eh? sad blogs are so much easier to write than happy ones. funny how that is
But i hate it when it rains on my parade.
fuck you rain! when it comes to that...
that bit of electricity is done now. I guess. I don't know. I think I made a mistake or something, because things have changed, in the course of.... five minutes? yeah, thats about it, five minutes. I made a mistake... that or he's fucking around with me. in that case, fuck him too.
ha! I hope he doesn't read this thing!
meh
so, life is back to normal. not a good thing. normal is a few posts back, where I can't stay awake, no matter how hard I try. I kept telling myself this morning that I HAD to read this stuff! I have to get it down, or I'm going to fail World History, and music, theory wise. I won't get accepted anywhere if I don't get my act together! i need to shut up my imagination! stop dreaming about things! Stop thinking about what I love to think about, and think about these tiny threads of information split up and splattered everywhere called a text Book.
HOW? HOW does an artist, a writer, a musician, shut up their imagination?! How do they keep their mind on something that is NOT interesting? HOW? These things are scattered everywhere! I mean, History is a story! a series of stories! hiSTORY. Hi-STORY. hello!!!!! Make it like a story! Make it a straigher line! I know thats hard to do, but thats the only way i can get the facts down for good! I can't read ten pages, make notes, read another ten pages, make more notes... i cant. not when the subject on those ten pages changes fifty times from this person to this religion, to this army, to this name, to this city, to this person.... it's too messy! i can't sort those things out! i can't keep my mind on something so fucking retarded and boring!
so i'm going to fail. art i wont fail, i love art, i get to think about what I want to think about in that class. I do what I love in that class. Music is half and half. I love playing, but the theory, as badly as I wish i could learn it, is latin to me. LATIN, people!
history... another world. I don't belong in this world at all. I don't belong here. not here, not in this place..
I need a lot more time, school wise. I can't start applying to schools next month. I can't. I'm not ready! I need time!I mean, I just FOUND my life, and then it was taken away... its being taken away from me still, and I'm trying to desperately to keep that life, and at the same time figure out my future life...
is that even possible?
it's like trying to hold onto an arm full of balls, while someone far off is throwing more at you, and you are expected to hold onto the ones you have while catching the new ones. NO DROPPING ANY, or you FAIL and DIE ALONE AND SAD.
do you know how it feels when you know what you want to do all of your life, but when it comes time to make actions to have that official, to officially be an Artist, or Chemist, or Musician, whatever... You don't know how? You know where you want to end up, but getting there is so fucking confusing with all of the side-tracks, the bullshit, the distractions thrown at you from society... where do you get it straight? where do you get yourself together when you're 16? how do you do that at 16? someone tell me, i feel completely lost. I know where I want to go, what I want to see and do, who I want to meet... but... how? how can i get ALL of that sorted out in a few months? because lately, it feels like thats what I have to do. It's too big for me, too immense, I'm terrified. I'm so scared of fucking up my life forever because I won't get into school and have the right credentials to do what I Love, to LIVE.
frig, i hate people. I hate the world today, for forcing all of this on me. I'm too young to think about this stuff. I just want to live, not worry. I shouldn't have to worry like this, thats not how you're supposed to live, and I can't do this. it's way too much for me.
I can barely face having to read twenty pages in that fucking text book and then make notes on it... then read up on Ghandi... then figure out my question... it's too much, the thought of it exhausts me.
so much for being happy, eh? sad blogs are so much easier to write than happy ones. funny how that is
prematurely released by Norah at 4:02 PM
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