-ick

I go through the same thing
over
and over
again.

I write about it
over
and over
again.

And I apologize for it... often enough.

Today, I got my G license. I am done that part now. Good day.
But... as of a few hours ago, things went downhill. Nothing bad happened... I just lost something. Some part of me said "Alright, this week has been too good to you. be... DEPRESSED!" and I was.
Because I do that.
I'm supposed to Photograph a Friend's Band for him at some point. Am I photographer now? I don't know.
I sold a painting a while ago. Am I a Painter? I don't know.
I don't know how I create things.
I make paintings with the idea in my mind to create a certain picture. A picture of what I see, how I see the real world, and what I see when I dream, crossed with... what I feel, and what that emotion LOOKS like...?
I don't know. but all the paintings I've made in the past were mistakes. There is ONE painting I like. It's in my room, like the rest of them. But... they're all mistakes. Everything I paint, Write, Everything... pure mistake. It's nothing. it's not what I wanted. I want something better, something... powerful?
But I'm not a writer.
As you can see.
I can't write. Not what I want to write.
Maybe I just need to put music to it or something...?

Such a losing night.