I go through phases. we all do. and I'm starting to map them out as I get older.
and there is ONE phase I always hate being in, because it often leaves me with memories of stupid things I've just done around the people I don't want to be stupid around.
This phase is the "I sound like a selfish nim-rod" phase.
I go through every month or so. I guess.
Phases.... guh.

I hate them.

Personally, I think I'm getting a bit better at it. But even when I think I'm getting better at controlling myself, more and more people seem to realize that I'm a fucking Lunatic. I really am. But *I* Get it now. I can understand myself, and thats good.
but no one else seems to understand, and instead of accepting it, they assume something must be wrong with me.
*cough* Step mom *Cough*

a few of those have come around lately. actually... a lot of those come around now. More and More often, while I'm being myself and content in that, people come up to me and say "are you alright?", or "Whats wrong?" and try to be all sympathetic.
I'm perfectly fine people. Stop trying to "fix" me. Just because You don't get it, doesn't mean it's a fuck up.
man. I get it now.
Sometimes I don't, but even in those times I understand at least SOME bit of it.
whatever it is.

uuugh. Things are strange with me. I'm trying to stay busy, and yet I'm still sleeping ten to twelve hours a night. I've been getting out to the guys more. How can I avoid it? Once a week I'm out there. Holding my existance in factuality, I suppose. Too many fond memories are building up. I'm just waiting for the day, when I leave, we leave... It all leaves.
I am lost in this whole thing. This thing that doesn't exist, holding me hostage.