Subterranean

The Same Realizations hit me everyday, all in small doses, and from those doses, I chose subconsciously which one to pick away at.
Last night, it was the fact that no matter how far women have come in society, we're still the ones who people bitch at.
At work. No one will bitch at The owners. Or Jeff (when he was around). it was Me. Adrienne. Lisa. Sometimes Julie. because, somewhere in their minds, and I mean both men AND women, it's ok to bitch at the "girls".
response=
Fuck you.

Tonight, another realization has come to me, full blown... maybe for the first time. It's still hitting me, proving that there is so much more to come up behind me and smack me up the side of the head:
That he will never love me.
There's no "and" or "but" about it. He will never love me.
My world sinks into a smaller and smaller abys.
My Individuality, and "special" aspects are futile.
My envisionment of the world, Ideals, "delusions" if you may-
nothing.
My attempts at solidifying something so fragile that it may not even Exist-
worthless. Gone un-noticed by he whom I try to connect with every night. Every day of my life, with or without him.

He will never love me.

Whatever Mystery there is to this, I can say now is solved. I will never have any resolution in me. I will never feel rest, or Love. I will forever be forgotten, eventually. Trodden on by those who praise the wrong things, even the right things. Ignored, Taken out of Context, Discarded, Misunderstood, Written off..

He will. never. love. me.

And always I will love him. more than I want to. more than I care to.

And this realization hits me in waves.
more like multiple tsunami's tonight.

I'm always going to have the image in my head, Deep set looks, behind who knows what besides hair...

I'll never move on.