faking dress

Well, I don't know how to explain myself.
There are days of rolling hills, in least picturesque way imaginable.
I've blown my money, for good, for great, for bad.
I've built myself the perfect walls to keep the dirt from falling on my head. Sadly I'm sabotaging them every waking second of my life.

Dreams, Dreams...
They're killing me. Bit by bit, my dreams are swallowing me whole, cackling in the process.
I've failed so many tests in my life. I've failed people, people I wanted to please more than anything.
I've lost all sight of the things I used to gaze at in wonder, with hope, with some kind of... love.

and still, i'm standing.
and why am I standing?

I have been told a lot of things, some being very kind to the ear. But inside me there will always be that dominant voice, hollow and bitter. Bitterly true.
"Nope. This is a giant Lie. It's all a dance that you've danced for lifetimes. You will never escape the doom that is humanity"

a kind thought at the end of the night, sitting in front of the computer after an "intense" day.
I don't know how to get there. Every so often, an idea would come to mind, and from that would stem a series of "what-if"'s, More ideas, and hopes..
BASH!
lets begin again, shall we?

Why can't something follow through for a loooong time?