Landslide
Amanda is a sweetheart.
Amanda is Min's youngest daughter, and she is adorable. three years old, such a sweety. I was watching them play around behind the counter tonight, and it's really amazing and cool, the insight and clarity you can get from just watching them and having enough empathy to put yourself in that state of mind. and coming back from that state of mind, it made me want to have kids. I'll definately have my own kid(s) some day in my life. I don't think I could go through life without having one. my own little friend, a being that i created in my own being.
right now, i'm tired, stressed, and neutral again. i hate being neutral. I want to be one or the other... well, one, NOT the other.
school is sick. I hate it. some people i love, but being there, everyday all the time, in that old place with all of those memories, reminders, sickens me, makes me want to kill myself. And classes are tiring too. Home is stupid, because at some point i have to leave it. I want to, because I'm getting sick of the house, but i dont want to leave my bed...
work is getting better. I like working now. It gets me out, with people, to interact, entertain, all of that... i love making people laugh. I did a lot of that tonight. I wore 3-D glasses for the hell of it for an hour, and everyone who came in just gave me this look and tried to hide their smiles. I also had my awesome toy there! awesome-ness! twas great fun. I love doing that.
but the rest is hurting me a lot. i feel very alone. very cut off. and tonight thats okay, but somedays it's not okay. I really could use a hug right now, a big long warm hug. I could use sleeping with someone tonight, just knowing someone is behind me in bed, sleeping there too, dreaming their own dreams. maybe I'm in them, who knows?
i'm really alone.
but tonight, that's okay. I don't mind. I'm Emily, the lone ranger. yohoo
well, sleep calls me. oh sleep. how you slay me!
Amanda is Min's youngest daughter, and she is adorable. three years old, such a sweety. I was watching them play around behind the counter tonight, and it's really amazing and cool, the insight and clarity you can get from just watching them and having enough empathy to put yourself in that state of mind. and coming back from that state of mind, it made me want to have kids. I'll definately have my own kid(s) some day in my life. I don't think I could go through life without having one. my own little friend, a being that i created in my own being.
right now, i'm tired, stressed, and neutral again. i hate being neutral. I want to be one or the other... well, one, NOT the other.
school is sick. I hate it. some people i love, but being there, everyday all the time, in that old place with all of those memories, reminders, sickens me, makes me want to kill myself. And classes are tiring too. Home is stupid, because at some point i have to leave it. I want to, because I'm getting sick of the house, but i dont want to leave my bed...
work is getting better. I like working now. It gets me out, with people, to interact, entertain, all of that... i love making people laugh. I did a lot of that tonight. I wore 3-D glasses for the hell of it for an hour, and everyone who came in just gave me this look and tried to hide their smiles. I also had my awesome toy there! awesome-ness! twas great fun. I love doing that.
but the rest is hurting me a lot. i feel very alone. very cut off. and tonight thats okay, but somedays it's not okay. I really could use a hug right now, a big long warm hug. I could use sleeping with someone tonight, just knowing someone is behind me in bed, sleeping there too, dreaming their own dreams. maybe I'm in them, who knows?
i'm really alone.
but tonight, that's okay. I don't mind. I'm Emily, the lone ranger. yohoo
well, sleep calls me. oh sleep. how you slay me!
prematurely released by Norah at 11:34 PM
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