Melancholy
what a word for that
What i want? answers. the truth, i suppose, without the bullshit, but if I were to ask that, It would make me a hypocrit. because, I never give an honest answer without tossing some bullshit in with it. some horrible humour, a twisted answer to a straight question. And that's the ONE thing we have in common: We both enjoy fucking with other peoples heads.
I just wish I could fuck with yours like you fuck with mine. wouldn't that be fair? well, okay... I DON'T make those things happen. I go along with them. I take part in them. I didn't start anything.
all i started was the "trend" of being an open book... that's just on my behalf. you're not helping at all. you're not joining in my trend, but I'll join yours. honestly, I don't mind you acting the way you do... until it gets painful, or I start hyper-ventilating, or i get bruised or cut.... otherwise, I'm fine with it. I know it's just Flirting now. so, don't let it go beyond that anymore. no more holding my hand(s). just stop that. because that does go over the line. I may not know much in this area, but to me, doing that and NOT being stupid steps over the line. holding my hand in order to bite it? flirting, whatever you want to call it. Holding my hands to press into your chest in a stupid way to act sexual: flirting. Holding my hands while watching something on the computer, and thats that, not flirting. that's sending something. so just, don't do that anymore, I'll be fine with this new arrangement.
just quick fucking with my head like you have.
and stop acting like you know me. you know my skin, my clothes, and nothing more. You don't know my smiles, my eyes, my tastes, you don't know those things. you won't. so don't act like you're on top of it all. you're not.
moving on now..
im tired. as usual. I've decided that i'm mostly a melancholy person. it's a beautiful word to me. Melancholy. it sounds nice, nice to speak. but then again, so is Diarhea. why must such beautiful words represent ugly things? damn you language!
I'm looking into songs for auditions now, and it's hard. I want to do a version of Killing Me Softly, but I don't know how I would get away with singing that...:S
i was looking at other songs too, but i've long forgotten them. Ella Fitzgerald songs, i think.
alas, i shant remember them now. but it's on the mind. I'm feeling slightly stressed from school, and a little weary. I had a theory lesson yesterday, first one, going over things I should know... but I didn't. I felt so stupid and down afterwards. god, i felt horrible. my head was pounding in my temples, and I was trying to understand why I couldn't figure out these simple things.
and that whole hopeless feeling came over me afterwards, that feeling that I'll never get this stuff down in a few months, in time for school applications. I'll never know it, never get in for music, never go anywhere with it...
fuck you world! Go fuck yourself... christ i hate this place.
i hate the person in the other room, talking about me and my stupidity behind my back, because he thinks he's ontop of it all. fuck you, gord.
what was i going to type that wasn't lashing out in any form.... crap.
so i was out late last night with Adrienne and Matt... something... from work/school. that was interesting. we walked around, what not, ran into more people i dont know but knew me from work. ha, interesting.
i was supposed to have a meeting today, but Mrs.Davis hasn't called me back yet. great. what the hell happened??????
too many things to keep a hold of. you know, the whole ball thing... only, i suppose it's more like when you're cupping your hands to catch some water. theres too much water to catch here, So I need to decide soon what to let drop and what to focus most on keeping...
art seems to be the only thing i can possibly keep a grip on. music i feel hopeless. art i get ideas for more often than songs. world history: DUH! i HAVE to keep that.
well, no more tonight.
Black
What i want? answers. the truth, i suppose, without the bullshit, but if I were to ask that, It would make me a hypocrit. because, I never give an honest answer without tossing some bullshit in with it. some horrible humour, a twisted answer to a straight question. And that's the ONE thing we have in common: We both enjoy fucking with other peoples heads.
I just wish I could fuck with yours like you fuck with mine. wouldn't that be fair? well, okay... I DON'T make those things happen. I go along with them. I take part in them. I didn't start anything.
all i started was the "trend" of being an open book... that's just on my behalf. you're not helping at all. you're not joining in my trend, but I'll join yours. honestly, I don't mind you acting the way you do... until it gets painful, or I start hyper-ventilating, or i get bruised or cut.... otherwise, I'm fine with it. I know it's just Flirting now. so, don't let it go beyond that anymore. no more holding my hand(s). just stop that. because that does go over the line. I may not know much in this area, but to me, doing that and NOT being stupid steps over the line. holding my hand in order to bite it? flirting, whatever you want to call it. Holding my hands to press into your chest in a stupid way to act sexual: flirting. Holding my hands while watching something on the computer, and thats that, not flirting. that's sending something. so just, don't do that anymore, I'll be fine with this new arrangement.
just quick fucking with my head like you have.
and stop acting like you know me. you know my skin, my clothes, and nothing more. You don't know my smiles, my eyes, my tastes, you don't know those things. you won't. so don't act like you're on top of it all. you're not.
moving on now..
im tired. as usual. I've decided that i'm mostly a melancholy person. it's a beautiful word to me. Melancholy. it sounds nice, nice to speak. but then again, so is Diarhea. why must such beautiful words represent ugly things? damn you language!
I'm looking into songs for auditions now, and it's hard. I want to do a version of Killing Me Softly, but I don't know how I would get away with singing that...:S
i was looking at other songs too, but i've long forgotten them. Ella Fitzgerald songs, i think.
alas, i shant remember them now. but it's on the mind. I'm feeling slightly stressed from school, and a little weary. I had a theory lesson yesterday, first one, going over things I should know... but I didn't. I felt so stupid and down afterwards. god, i felt horrible. my head was pounding in my temples, and I was trying to understand why I couldn't figure out these simple things.
and that whole hopeless feeling came over me afterwards, that feeling that I'll never get this stuff down in a few months, in time for school applications. I'll never know it, never get in for music, never go anywhere with it...
fuck you world! Go fuck yourself... christ i hate this place.
i hate the person in the other room, talking about me and my stupidity behind my back, because he thinks he's ontop of it all. fuck you, gord.
what was i going to type that wasn't lashing out in any form.... crap.
so i was out late last night with Adrienne and Matt... something... from work/school. that was interesting. we walked around, what not, ran into more people i dont know but knew me from work. ha, interesting.
i was supposed to have a meeting today, but Mrs.Davis hasn't called me back yet. great. what the hell happened??????
too many things to keep a hold of. you know, the whole ball thing... only, i suppose it's more like when you're cupping your hands to catch some water. theres too much water to catch here, So I need to decide soon what to let drop and what to focus most on keeping...
art seems to be the only thing i can possibly keep a grip on. music i feel hopeless. art i get ideas for more often than songs. world history: DUH! i HAVE to keep that.
well, no more tonight.
Black
prematurely released by Norah at 7:18 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home