I like to think back to that night
I really do believe that when a person is drunk and/or stoned, they are who they really are inside. They lose those inhibitions. they don't have the chance to filter their thoughts before they turn into words, or actions. no chance to cover yourself up, so you're exposed... but you're also a little too tipsy to give a damn. so it happens. you laugh about it, at yourself, and move on...
i like remembering that moment. when you said that to me, and i knew you were stoned. smoking your cigarette, just us two, and you saying that one thing that seemed to make our friendship, at the time, something nicer. you talked to me, alone, openly, about what you thought of me. and i appreciate. because, outside of family and best friends, you are the only person to have said that to me as a friend, a new Friend. Friend, capital F. new. new to me. and you are the only one to have said that.
and i love that so much, because I know it was right. it was what you really thought, because you were a little too drunk and stoned to plan something like that out. you just turned on a dime, "You know,..." and you said it.
and thanks for that. it's something i wish I could remember every detail of, so it would be a perfect memory. i wish i could remember all of it. but those tiny details i forgot. and then, i wonder, if your saying that was a tiny detail of your night. if you would remember that moment.
and while sometimes i feel like fantasizing (because I'm a girl), i know that you will never feel what i felt when you said it. you won't understand, or have the clue, of how my heart-rate jumped, of my uncertainty, of my shock. you have no idea of what you really did.
my god, i wish i could tell you with just the right words, but you know... i can't. no words exist. it was like I was elevated above my stoned state. the rest of the house, and music, and people waiting for us downstairs, just all of it... disappeared. fuck, i wish i could share that moment with you, i wish i could pass my experience on to you... what would you say then?
oh well, right?
i like remembering that moment the most, of that weekend. I love that moment the most. the moment where i felt as though i really belonged to something, in a silly way. the moment i felt a little less, nervous, around you...
and i still think about you every day, every night, even when i sit with him, sit with her, talk with them, i think of you, i remember you...
am I obsessed? what is this anyway?
so, when i think like that, how can I possibly go anywhere else? how can I leave this nice little hole of mine, when i really do love it. when i can get that euphoric melancholic feeling from it, all at once? how could i leave that? it's a feeling i get nowhere else, and i find it to be an astonishing feeling, something i want to learn more about so i can share it. thats all i want to do. share that feeling.
so how could i abandon it?
I really do believe that when a person is drunk and/or stoned, they are who they really are inside. They lose those inhibitions. they don't have the chance to filter their thoughts before they turn into words, or actions. no chance to cover yourself up, so you're exposed... but you're also a little too tipsy to give a damn. so it happens. you laugh about it, at yourself, and move on...
i like remembering that moment. when you said that to me, and i knew you were stoned. smoking your cigarette, just us two, and you saying that one thing that seemed to make our friendship, at the time, something nicer. you talked to me, alone, openly, about what you thought of me. and i appreciate. because, outside of family and best friends, you are the only person to have said that to me as a friend, a new Friend. Friend, capital F. new. new to me. and you are the only one to have said that.
and i love that so much, because I know it was right. it was what you really thought, because you were a little too drunk and stoned to plan something like that out. you just turned on a dime, "You know,..." and you said it.
and thanks for that. it's something i wish I could remember every detail of, so it would be a perfect memory. i wish i could remember all of it. but those tiny details i forgot. and then, i wonder, if your saying that was a tiny detail of your night. if you would remember that moment.
and while sometimes i feel like fantasizing (because I'm a girl), i know that you will never feel what i felt when you said it. you won't understand, or have the clue, of how my heart-rate jumped, of my uncertainty, of my shock. you have no idea of what you really did.
my god, i wish i could tell you with just the right words, but you know... i can't. no words exist. it was like I was elevated above my stoned state. the rest of the house, and music, and people waiting for us downstairs, just all of it... disappeared. fuck, i wish i could share that moment with you, i wish i could pass my experience on to you... what would you say then?
oh well, right?
i like remembering that moment the most, of that weekend. I love that moment the most. the moment where i felt as though i really belonged to something, in a silly way. the moment i felt a little less, nervous, around you...
and i still think about you every day, every night, even when i sit with him, sit with her, talk with them, i think of you, i remember you...
am I obsessed? what is this anyway?
so, when i think like that, how can I possibly go anywhere else? how can I leave this nice little hole of mine, when i really do love it. when i can get that euphoric melancholic feeling from it, all at once? how could i leave that? it's a feeling i get nowhere else, and i find it to be an astonishing feeling, something i want to learn more about so i can share it. thats all i want to do. share that feeling.
so how could i abandon it?
prematurely released by Norah at 11:09 PM
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