Every good day has it's bad moment

and mine was, yet again, being delivered the news that I cannot go to Mississauga.
Nope. No more trip. Grandma isn't feeling up to having company.
and that's the problem with having a family like mine. they're way too unpredictable, in terms of wanting or not wanting to do things. one minute its a good outlook, the next it's stormy weather that we can't bother to wait out or anything.
so, i'm home for christmas. Supposedly this is to be a good thing, but that's bullshit in my home. it doesn't matter what title you give it, just because it's christmas doesn't mean it's happy time. it doesn't mean Gord is suddenly standable, it doesn't mean everything is figured out for the few days. it means nothing. all it means is that I'm stuck here for three days.
and now kids are throwing my Kaleidascope around. I'VE HAD THAT SINCE I WAS ONE, PEOPLE, DON'T CHUCK IT AROUND. frig.
good day. it was a great day. I drove to belleville with emma. no adults. I can drive. i'm going tomorrow again too. its great. got gifts. one for my mom, one for gus, for calista, and, of course, myself, duh.. ha. it was a spending money day. i ran into people, got some good things. I have a fish named Jerry, a Betta fish...
but i'm home for this weekend. months and months planning to go away for the weekend, and now i can't. first its my mother, then it's my grandmother... god damnit! i dont want to be here! I want to be THERE! NOT HERE. FUCK!

so that is my bad moment, and kids are still throwing stuff around. idiots. why did my mother leave me with these things? frig....

fuck you christmas.

fuck.